Damn RUCKSACK !!!

Hurtling down the street in a tin can called a Maruti Omni on the streets of Kanpur, I finally realized that my body has way too many muscles, much more than I ever imagined.... each one of them ached. The realization dawned on me that my eardrums are pretty resilient too... they could take the constant honking ...
The problem of Kanpur streets ... well ... the place itself is part of prime cowbelt ... does that explain something ... :)) ..
The streets ... (if you could call them that) are inhabited by vehicles of all kinds, cycles, rickshaws, horse/mare/bullock-drawn buggies, pedestrians, trucks, autorickshaws ... AND you are welcome to encroach the part of the road meant for oncoming traffic ... ever seen a tractor taking a U-turn on a busy thoroughfare all of 2 cars wide .... :) ... ??

When I stepped down @ the Kanpur railway station ... I was surrounded by 20 people trying to draw my attention to beckon them to hire their taxi/auto/whatever else .....
I wonder why I had attracted this swarm .. I was NOT expensively dressed, nor did I have an arm candy, nor am I endowded with greek god looks which otherwise could be spelt "expensive" ...
Everybody else ... who matched my profile -- regular single guy, brown skinned (like millions of my countrymen), ordinary clothes (jeans & t-shirt) and ordinary looks (I beg you to disagree please :)..... was walking past happily ... without being hassled much ... just a disinterested query from the "transporatation suitors" ...

Then I looked around ... them and me ... and lo and behold! it dawned on me ... I was carrying a RUCKSACK ... and that is a typically rich-kid straight from Canada or USA piece-of-baggage ... I was being perceived as one of those dollar-earning, IT-empowered yuppies, back to small town India ... prime target for a rip-off -- after all a mark-up of a few rupees over the "ordinary common indian's fare" would only mean a few cents for me ...

It was a fascinating experience.... I never knew the power of the RUCKSACK ... now i do ... and! hey it also earns you those second glances from small-town hotties ;-) ... That isnt a disparaging remark as some of them are quite hot ... well! the power of CableTV .. and Femina Miss India ...
But more on that @ a later point in time ...

Why the hell does one move to Delhi???

Now that I have decided to move to Delhi, the question, the same one never ceases to confront me. "Hey! itz cool in Bangalore; Why the hell are you moving to Delhi"

Top 3 reasons cited to stay back in Bangalore:
1. The weather
2. The weather
3. The weather

Top 3 reasons to stay away from Delhi:
1. Ostentatious culture and attitude (SHOW-OFF is what people use to describe Delhi)
2. Much higher probability of getting cheated, fleeced or mugged
3. The weather


BTW, to set the record straight, I feel Delhi roads are much better than Bangalore roads (well, roads in Bangalore are non-existent). The pubs in pub-city close at 11:30 PM; Of course for Delhi discs every second number would be a bhangra tune ... :)) But hey! you could land up in Bangalore discs in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers :) .... Dont think that would be the case in Delhi .. but I gotta check that out ..

Bangalore surprisingly is more polluted than Delhi :-O ... but flights dont get screwed up because of a phenomenon called 'smog'

Politically, Shiela Dixit is a much better bet than Dharam Singh ...
DS -- who believes in spending his time getting a manicure @ the Leela or visiting the Sai Baba temple (of course bringing traffic to a complete standstill)

The discipline of any city can be gauged simply by finding out how 'red' the 'red light' is at a traffic signal ... In Bangalore .. it is but a mere suggestion .. and as if by some unwritten rule, decreed by god himself or his self-appointed representatives, one-ways get miraculously converted to both-way traffic @ nights ... (most times even during the days in small streets and wherever the traffic cop is not around)

BTW, in Bangalore it is OK to park yourself on the wrong side of the road in case you are stuck in a red light @ a traffic signal .. it doesnt matter if one is obstructing oncoming traffic ...

So whatz it about this place (Delhi, I mean) that has brought me here ????

... well! I dont know .. chicks I would guess ... I heard delhi chicks are amongst the best ... ("as long as they dont speak" is what the naysayers say ... but I hope to check that out as well)

So viva la delhi it is for me now ... !!!

To future generations of “Captains of the Industry”

In between getting pampered by ‘Housekeeping’, getting rogered by ‘Assignment-Happy Professors’ and sitting pretty on a couple of job offers, it’s time to look back and reminisce about the past year. There have been highs and lows, ups and downs, but as the ‘consultants’ amongst us would say, the outlook looks like we are the ‘stars’ on the BCG-matrix. For all you ‘future captains of the industry’ (Yes! That’s how we are addressed here …. and over the course of time, we have come to believe in it), here are the travails of the adventure, the experience of the journey that B-School has been. (BTW, the acronym for Business School is BS – pun unintended :)

From the moment I set foot on campus, I couldn’t help but wonder at the gates ‘where the hell is the building?’, and then it rose like a phoenix¹ to greet me, to this moment, when I am excited about the world outside and nervous about my impending departure from this place, ISB has grown to be a part of me. The acad. terms flew in the blink of an eye – let there be no doubts in your minds – ISB will be at you, challenging you, encouraging you, coaxing you, nurturing you, preparing you to outdo your own selves. I was intimidated initially, but the feeling lasted only a couple of days.

My first weekend at ISB, and a bunch of us landed at ‘Bottles & Chimney’² (B&C) – some with and some without their accents. Those were the days of fake or acquired accents (some die-hards carry it through the year though) J

Orientation Week

I happened to share a ‘cab’ (hey! it’s not a taxi) with a couple of ‘dudes’ (again it’s not people or guys) to the B&C² party. We gave the ‘rick’ a ‘skip’ because that wasn’t so ‘cool’ and we had to impress the ‘babes’ too. Once there, we had a ‘blast’, the DJ seemingly obsessed with ISB, we sure kicked some serious ar**. From there on it was all ‘accounts’, ‘take charge’, and ‘basic stats’ among others.

The Frenetic Networking Pitch

Most of us had one concept very clear when we had just come in here – ‘For an MBA grad, networking does matter’ – hence one could see wannabes hopping from one table to another during lunch, dinner et. al. and shooting – ‘So where were you working?’, ‘How many years of work ex. do you have?’ etc. A few days of desperate networking efforts and you would bump into the guy you met in the dining hall ‘Er! excuse me but are you Sunil? I can’t seem to recollect your name …. we have so many new folks around’. The futility of the exercise soon dawned upon the larger population and we all ‘chilled out’ after that. After 9 odd months, this feels like family to me (pun unintendedJ) – I know everyone, the faces are familiar, the stunts each one pulled off, fresh in memory.

Disclaimer: This information is a humourous take on happenings/people/situations. It is not a true reflection of the actual happenings or incidents/state of affairs, so dont get too carried away.

A year after B-School ….

A year after having walked out of B-school the myth has all but exploded. Looking back I realize that most of all that we learnt was in the wrong direction. The most important lessons were the ones the ‘Organisational Behavior’ proff.s tried shoving down the throats of hordes of disinterested sleepy pupils -- The necessity to draw “associations of influencers” and the “association of decision makers” within an organisation :-?

Figure out the “sources of information” and validate their authenticity. (Feed them some fiction and see how long it takes to come back to you) :-) (Hey! dont smirk, thatz how even laser speed-guns work!!)

Now that your sources of information are taken care of … get started on forming your own line line diagrams of the “movers and shakers” ....

NOTE: For additional information on working of this phenomenon follow the antics of the congress leaders (coteries, queen bee, palace intrigue et al.)

If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck; It is a duck – BULLSHIT !!!

You’ll see people around who look important, act important but are in a load of shit … needless to say -- do not waste time cosying upto them …

In the corporate world sometimes one that walks like a duck, quacks like a duck is actually a dumb turkey !! :-)

Future Captains of the Industry -- Revisited

Having been fed the “FCoI” (aside: the power of acronyms :) formula for long .. quite a few of us started believing in it (hmm!) .. Captains of the industry .. just like the captain of the indian cricket team… relegated to the sidelines … worth only carrying bottles of refreshment and words of encouragement for the guys out in the field … :)

The placements hoopla !!!

B-school grad pockets a cool salary of 80 lakh !!! I read that and almost choked on my sandwich … :) … well I recollect some bright chap who dropped in a line in my mailing group hailing the achievement .. it’s like the millions of sperms who fall by the wayside (letz call them the losers :) celebrating the feat of the one that hits the jackpot (the grand daddy :)

Learnings … -- there is still hope !!

There is hope …. will still live the dream … Of course some people find other things to do .. (e.g. get married .. announce change of location, announce a one-week visit to London etc.)… But me like one of those guys having fallen by the wayside (refer to para above J) has no marriage, or visit to London or change of location announcements to make … All I can do is sit down here in a cubbyhole and type out arcane thoughts …. Sure enough to find a dumb audience like you who have gone through this entire crappy note nodding vigorously all along :)

Disclaimer: This information is a humourous take on happenings/people/situations. It is not a true reflection of the actual happenings or incidents/state of affairs, so dont get too carried away.

Marriage: The one thing that’s bugging me no end

Letz face it … it is one of those “Rene Zellweger in Bridget Jones’ diary” times for me now. Wherever I go, I am confronted with the same query. I find myself answering it over & over again. I feel I am getting defensive.

I, who used to wear my “bachelorhood” and “perceived independence” (as the naysayers on the other side of the fence would argue :) on my sleeve find myself at a loss for a convincing response. (I blame the audience primarily for that; illogical people who refuse to consider logic).

I, who was never at a loss for words have resorted to all kinds of sounds, grunts etc. (er!, umm!, well! Uh huh !! You see !!! kinds) passing them off for responses. I feel like a Delhi schoolgirl (Oh! come on yaaa! marriage is not everything na!!) or a Chennai schoolboy (Aye! Come on maan…. Thatz not everything dah!) when accosted by ‘friends’ and ‘wellwishers’ often cornered with the knock-out punch – “So what about marriage? Any plans?” – I never knew people were so concerned about me :) and my marital conformity thereof :)))

“Are you looking out? Aren’t your parents looking out for a bride for you?” Its high time you got ‘settled’ is the common refrain :) Gosh! I am settled (Aside: Well! not exactly, there is a lot of chaos …. But hey! I thrive in chaos :)

I look around and see my buddies …. my batchmates ….. my peer-group …. hell! looks like marriage is going out of fashion … or anti-marriage aliens are attacking us and this is our last chance to redeem ourselves. “Earthlings, judgement day is here”

As of today .. I am very unmarried, very happy and very settled..... :)

Ever wondered what separates the wheat from the chaff?

What is it that separates the successful from the also-rans? [Aside: How does one become Smart Alec in this world dominated by Joe Average :)]. Is it single-minded focus, passion, hardwork, luck or something else?

Is it a combination of some or all of the above is some proportion which is nature’s best kept secret?

What are men like Lance Armstrong made of? (In case you are wondering he is the 6-time winner of the ‘tour de france’; guys find it tough to win once and he has done it over and over). What drives him? What is it that makes him exceptional? And hey! this guy has BALLS ... serious balls ... for how do you explain the fact that he has gone onto defeat younger competitors after having come out of testicular cancer ... yeah! testicular cancer ...

A brief bio would enlighten some of us who aren’t aware of his exploits and remind the rest of us who do, of just how phenomenal this individual is:

1971 : September 18, Born in Plano, Texas. Raised by mother who was married and divorced twice.

1984 : By age 13, he was competing in triathlons.

1987 : Turns pro.

’87-91 : National Cycling team invites him to train with them while he was still a senior in high school.

1991 : Wins National Amateur Cycling Championship, First Union Grand Prix and Thrift Drug Classic

1992 : Barcelona Olympics, finishes 14^th

1993 : Bounces back, wins US cycling's Triple Crown. Becomes the youngest person to ever capture the World Race Championships in Oslo, Norway.

1994 : Finishes runner-up in the “Tour Du Pont”

1995 : Wins “Tour Du Pont” by the highest margin of victory in the history of the race.

1996 : Indifferent season; ups and downs including fatigue and bronchitis; Atlanta Olympics: 12^th place finish in road race. Lucrative contract with Team Cofidis follows.

1996 : Diagnosed with testicular cancer which has spread to his brain and lungs. Given a 40% chance of recovery.

1997 : Cofidis drops him. US Post picks him up. (Pay goes south from $600K to $200K p.a)

1998 : Post several low-key race wins, goes and gets the big one “Le Tour de France” setting a new average speed.

Has currently won an unprecedented 6 “Tour de France” titles. He is on the discovery channel team this year .... and ready to kick serious butt ...

Meet my FMCG Buddy
Travails of travel through the hinterland


Met an ol' buddy of mine from B-school ... he a hot-shot (he likes to pretend so) business manager in a FMCG conglomerate .... me a hot-shot (so I like to pretend) business manager in an IT infrastrcuture company ...

We both came up with our own little travellers' tales ... his were more exciting ...
Imagine this scene at a seedy hotel in a sleepy town where the biggest revenue churner is the local temple ... (to add effect this town in now in Jharkhand, erstwhile south Bihar ... get the drift :)

He checks into the swankiest hotel in town (which in itself is not much to write home about) ... at around 10 in the night he asks for hot water (poor soul wanted to have a gargle .. sore throat et al ... and NO! no kettles in the room) ... calls back 1/2 hour later ... response that he gets -- "oh! yes ... I remember" ... hits the sack and dozes off ... getz up in the morning ... orders coffee... coffee arrives and with it our man from the hotel .... -- "Sir, it was you who had called twice last night for hot water ... I remember" :)) ...

I realized that of the holy grail(s) of any B-school campus -- I-banking and FMCG ... the latter certainly has itz share of roach-infested rooms, stinky carpets, outlandishly color-coordinated rooms (orange curtains, rug, towels, bed-sheets etc. :) and lotz more ...
I cant take a call on i-banking because I am yet to meet a hot-shot (or so they would like to pretend) i-banker friend/acquaintance/contact who would be completely honest and forthright with me ...

And hey! I appreciate the fact that my FMCG buddy was brutally honest about his predicament ... of course he had a rider to the whole situation ... "I am enjoying the challenge, man! ... this is #*$(#@ exciting stuff" ....


more exciting stories later... :)))