The ‘Glamourous’ Hawkers
UP mein dum hai kyunki jurm yahaan kam hai

This is a cricket crazy nation and the keyword here is not cricket, itz crazy. Add movies to it and this is a nation of sleepwalkers who are out to believe every inconceivable shit that comes their way. The more outrageous the dream, the more believable. The advertisers, the smart guys who get ‘icons’ (aside: smirk) like Amitabh Bacchan to sell you your bottle of “Banphool Tel” (my dumb countrymen, do you believe that Amitabh in his wildest, most adventurous dream would ever venture near anything close to banphool tel) or get Sachin Tendulkar to peddle ‘SunFeast – har ghar mein Sachin’ biscuits for that matter. The list is long, gory and a conjob par excellence.

Just like with our politicians, we have allowed our celebrities to run amok with their bag of goodies; we have let them fool us with false promises; we have allowed them to show us false dreams, to squat on our consciousness. It doesn’t matter that the bigger the celebrity endorsing the brand, the fatter his paycheck and hence more is the amount of money that the company has to ‘extract’ (wondering: is ‘extort’ a good synonym here) from it’s ‘esteemed customers’ and thatz YOU.

Our obsession with ‘Page 3’ is grotesque. Yours truly is now aware of names like Miniissha Lamba (spelling of the name altered to defy all conventions on the ‘advice’ of some joker like ‘Sanjay Jumaani’ or ‘Sunita Menon’ – the former a ‘numerologist’, the latter, a tarot card reader’) – her contribution to society – a few page 3 parties and willingness to drop her dress for the camera. And then there’s the obnoxious ‘Amrita Arora’ – her claim to fame – a few bombed movies and her ‘boyfriend’ who apparently is a cricketer (I haven’t seen him in any team though. Apparently, he plays in England. But so do Aungwardanda Gimbo and Joe Bloggs. I don’t have anything against the bloke but hey he is featured in ‘page 3’ alongside Amrita). Oh! as for the classical debate on why does one read those sections in the papers and watch those spots on TV? – I don’t; itz just everywhere: in the morning papers, on all channels on TV (I have to admit that I am now tired of watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies, and the big cats of Africa and hence surf channels a bit and it is here that these 'goody peddlers' jump @ me)

Since we are ‘good’ Indians, we even have ‘caste & class’ for celebrities which makes Katrina Kaif the higher class, Malaika Arora Khan (middle class but with upper class aspirations…. ASIDE: That explains her hatred of textiles) and Rakhi Sawant the lower middle class. O! Jejus .. there I said it.

So after much confusion and lack of coherence in this piece which is predominantly because of the onset of hunger, I’d just say to whoever is bored enough to read this piece completely: Do not fall for these dumbasses (aka celebrities), they are nothing more than ‘glamourous’ (I have my doubts there as well) hawkers.

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P.S: The Indian Cricket Team is an average team. In fact it is not even a team. It is a bunch of individuals, some of whom have ‘performed’ in favourable conditions. We weren’t a team. We had no chance of winning the World Cup. ‘Team BCCI’ should be ashamed, it should just realize that they aren’t quite cut out for it. And so should YOU.

And all the tarot readers / numerologists were WRONG – They had predicted an India-Australia final with many of them rooting for Irfan Pathan. Pathan didn’t play a single match. India was booted out in the first round itself.

So stop being superstitious as well!!!

I AM NOT EVEN COMMENTING ON AMITABH’s SAMAJWADI PARTY AD.

UP MEIN DUM HAI KYUNKI JURM YAHAAN KAM HAI – Does he himself believe in the BULLSHIT that he is uttering?