Ramblings de Incoherence

A Nano on the road can tell you a lot about its owner.

2011-09-10T21:20:00.003+05:30

A lemon yellow or shocking bright coloured one is least likely to have those nickle-coated bumber protectors (bumpers are meant to be hit and absorb the shock. Their utility lies in being broken so that they can save the rest of the machinery, the frame or engine bay for example.)

It is also likely to have itz outside rear view mirrors (ORVM) open (without being overly bothered about OVRMs being scraped by bikers).

However a nano in a "conventional car color" like metallic silver or biege or white is more likely to have those nickel coated metal bumper protectors at the front and rear. It is also more likely to have it's ORVMs folded up.(ostensibly to protect the mirrors; doesn't matter if it endangers the car & it's occupants).

It would seem that the former type is carefree, nonchalant, more at ease with itself in character. Both the Nano and the owner. While the latter would seem hesitant, withdrawn, drawing inwards protecting itself against bumps, scrapes and niggles.

It is also likely to reflect in the way these cars are driven. You are more likely to see Nano Variety of the bright plumage to be more confident and hence more aggressive in its driving style. It would careen into corners, shoot into spaces only Autorickshaws hitherto dared to scramble into. It would cut lanes, block its mightier, shinier, snobbish, brash, upmarket cousins on the road. It is neither apologetic of its smaller size and price tag nor deferential to more expensive four-wheeled representatives of shining India.

These cars are driven with pride as if declaring to the whole wide world, in just the right snobbish tone,"My owner has another car(s). I am just his inexpensive toy or his errand transport ... like a pizza delivery bike .... ugh !! a bike... nah! .. but you get the drift"

The latter i.e. the conventional car color type with the nickel-coated bumper and side protectors and the flipped in OVRMs are more likely to be have been occupied by those that have graduated from motorcycles. They are the ones Ratan Tata counted on to take his company's fortunes beyond the stratosphere when he set out to make his 'laktakiya' (1 lac) car. That is where Tata went grossly wrong. The motorcycle owner doesn't want a 'motorcycle replacement'; he wants a car. The 'bike replacement' doesn't fan his vanity. The call of aspiration isn't answered.

When family, wife, kids, peers do force him to go in for the replacement of the bike, he almost seems apologetic about considering the Nano. His car thus reflects his personality. He wants his nano to be 'car like' (the metallic dull sedan colors). He somehow can't get over his biker underpinnings (remember leg guards, saree guards, protective rainfall flaps etc.) when it comes to taking care of his nano. He probably covers all the furniture at his place with towels or other old sheets. He probably doesn't throw away any plastic bags. He is probably a great fan of recycling.

So this owner has to live with his Nano and dream of his Maruti Alto.

So there! the Nano and it's owner !!

Random Thoughts on a Random Day

2008-05-16T14:53:00.000+05:30

Why should I
1) Not retire from the 9-5 job at 45? J
2) Not change the life of someone I had the power and privilege to?
3) Not keep my soul and my spirit turned out in the best gear?
4) Not do things which bring a smile, however faint, even on the face of a perfect stranger?
5) Not ‘be’ anyone, not a son, brother, husband, friend, boss, subordinate, for 1 hour everyday?
6) Not be moved by the despair and poverty around?
7) Not take pleasure in the small things in life: observing ants filing on a window-sill (every observed that? You’d be surprised at their industry and method!!)
8) Not get wet in the first showers?
9) Not splash around in mud puddles with ‘urchins’?
10) Not raise myself without raising my voice?

John Berryman

2008-04-10T13:31:00.002+05:30

Dream Song 14

Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.
After all, the sky flashes, the great sea yearns,
we ourselves flash and yearn,
and moreover my mother told me as a boy
(repeatingly) "Ever to confess you're bored
means you have no Inner Resources."
I conclude now I have no inner resources,
because I am heavy bored.

Peoples bore me,
literature bores me, especially great literature,
Henry bores me, with his plights & gripes
as bad as Achilles,
who loves people and valiant art, which bores me.
And the tranquil hills, & gin, look like a drag
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into the mountains or sea or sky,
leaving behind: me, wag.

Images from the "Street"

2008-01-03T14:33:00.000+05:30

These are a few images that I clicked while going through life .... Somehow they struck me in the way that they were "Uniquely Indian, Yaar"

Draupadi Book stall -- The linkage between Draupadi and books is a little far fetched ...

They sure got their names and their professions properly matched :-)
And what about cultural diversity ....

Javid Water Supplier located in Issac Building :-)

Needing some divine intervention in running an eatery ... It appears that Sai Baba is in charge of the kitchen here ...
While on the topic of food ... how about some Punjabi Diesh ... (dish)

Now how about some music, eh????

Enjoy !!!
Wish you all a very happy new year ....

A terrorist; A hero

2007-06-07T11:20:00.000+05:30

A Saga of 'cheap' conciousness and lost morality

Yesterday I read received an email which talked about news coverage in these screwed up times and how news-channels in search for 'masala' are nothing more than sleaze beams ....

Sample this: We, on a normal night in our ordinary existences -- having had dinner, watching TV, rejoicing 'Sanjay Dutt' getting off the hook from Tada charges despite him possessing AK47/56s, greandes etc. ...

A major dies the same night fighting a known and dreaded terrorist on a dark night, far from his home, far away from family, doing his duty, living upto the oath he had taken, protecting the likes of 'us' ... (us who are busy watching a discussion between numerlogists and astrologers on what the color of Sanjay's shirt should be in order to bring him good fortune) ..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time u guys read this news, the body of Major Manish Pitambare, who was shot dead at Anantnag, would have been cremated with fullmilitary honors.

On Tuesday, this news swept across all the news channels 'Sanjay Duttrelieved by court'. 'Sirf Munna not a bhai' '13 saal ka vanvaas khatam' 'although found guilty for possession of armory, Sanjay canbreath sigh of relief as all the TADA charges against him arewithdrawn' Then many personalities like Salman Khan said 'He is a good person. We knew he will come out clean'. Mr Big B said "Dutt's familyand our family have relations for years he's a good kid. He is likeelder brother to Abhishek". His sister Priya Dutt said "we can sleep well tonight. It's a great relief"

In other news, Parliament was mad at Indian team for performing bad;Greg Chappell said something; Shah Rukh Khan replaces Amitabh in KBCand other such stuff. But most of the emphasis was given on Sanjay Dutt's "phoenix like" comeback from the ashes of terrorist charges.Surfing through the channels, one news on BBC startled me. It read"Hisbul Mujahidin's most wanted terrorist 'Sohel Faisal' killed in Anantnag , India . Indian Major leading the operation lost his life inthe process. Four others are injured.

It was past midnight , I started visiting the stupid Indian channels,but Sanjay Dutt was still ruling. They were telling how Sanjay pleaded to the court saying 'I'm the sole bread earner for my family', 'I havea daughter who is studying in US' and so on. Then they showed howSanjay was not wearing his lucky blue shirt while he was hearing the verdict and also how he went to every temple and prayed for the lastfew months. A suspect in Mumbai bomb blasts, convicted under armoryact...was being transformed into a hero.

Sure Sanjay Dutt has a daughter; Sure he did not do any terrorist activity. Possessing an AK47 is considered too elementary in terroristcommunity and also one who possesses an AK47 has a right to possess apistol so that again is not such a big crime; Sure Sanjay Dutt went to all the temples;

Sure he did a lot of Gandhigiri but then........ ...

Major Manish H Pitambare got the information from his sources aboutthe terrorists' whereabouts. Wasting no time he attacked the camp, killed Hisbul Mujahidin's supremo and in the process lost his life tothe bullets fired from an AK47. He is survived by a wife and daughter(just like Sanjay Dutt) who's only 18 months old.

Major Manish never said 'I have a daughter' before he took the decision to attack the terrorists in the darkest of nights. He neverthought about having a family and he being the bread earner. No newschannel covered this since they were too busy hyping a former drugaddict, a suspect who's linked to bomb blasts which killed hundreds. Their aim was to show how he defied the TADA charges and they were sosuccessful that his conviction in possession of armory had no meaning.They also concluded that his parents in heaven must be happy and proud of him.

Parents of Major Manish are still living and they have to live rest oftheir lives without their beloved son. His daughter won't ever see herdaddy again.

So guys, please forward this message around so that the media knows which news to give importance, as it is a shame for us since this ArmyMajor's death news was given by a foreign TV channel!!!

If you believe in this, please let all like-minded people know.

Obituary for Major Manish H Pitambre.

My Childhood Days

2007-04-01T12:52:00.000+05:30

Nostalgia – मेरा बचपन

Pictures speak louder than words. Some pictures which encapsulate the ‘growing up’ years of my generation form part of this blog. I am sure those of my generation who are reading this would be transported back to those years when we used to have the ‘run of the place’; a journey down ‘nostalgia alley’ to end up in the playground of ‘fond memories from our childhood’

Those were the days. All the kids born in the late 70s through the 80s would have fond memories of "एक अनेक और एकता" (in Media Player, in Real Player), a whole generation brought up on “एक तित्ली अनेक तित्लियाँ; दीदी ये अनेक क्या है”, of Sunday afternoons eagerly awaiting “Vikram और Betaal”, the weird, hilarious, utterly intriguing Sunday mornings with “Chandrakanta” (I remember the lead villain in that serial going “Yakkkuu” so vividly now), the endless wait with bated breath for “Chitrahaar” on Wednesday and Friday evenings – the desperation sometimes extreme enough to force us to sit through “Krishi Darshan” (आलू के मूल को दो फूट के फासले पर लगायें) with the frustration of the realization that time had come to a standstill.

Oh! The He-man and चड्डी पहन के फूल खिला है Mowgli Sunday mornings, the “Malgudi Days” evenings with स्वामी, the occasional “मिले सुर मेरा तुम्हारा” ringing in our ears, the reveling in the exploits of “Chacha Choudhry” and “Sabu” (who was 12 times the size of normal humans because he was from ‘Jupiter’ and ‘Jupiter’ is 12 times the size of ‘Earth’ by volume), and accompanying "Bahadur" (the Indian ‘Phantom’) on his adventures. Those were the days when the old women of the family (the ‘naanis’ and ‘daadis’) would reverently gaze @ Lord Ram or Krishna and very surreptitiously join their palms (in a ‘pranaam’) in reverence and devotion hoping that no one was looking esp. the kids who would tease them later.

Those were the days when the sky was such a dazzling blue (therez so much pollution these days -- Circuit), the stars shone brighter, spring smelt like, well ‘spring’ unlike the uniformity of stench ‘smoke, sweat, piss n smut’ across seasons these days.

Those were the days of gay abandon, when ‘loan installments’, ‘commitments’, ‘appraisals’ etc had not pervaded our vocabulary and consciousness and overpowered our lives.

2007-03-28T15:52:00.000+05:30

Comrade, thou indulgeth in hypocrisy
Hypocrisy and Tyranny mark the agenda of ‘communism’

I may be accused of having shallow knowledge of the idea of ‘communism’ and thus not fit or intellectually capable of commenting on this topic.

But communism, albeit the Indian variety is preserve of a bunch of ‘armchair intellectuals’ from either Kerala or West Bengal (I know Karat doesn’t belong to either; so do a few others) who are both hypocritical and tyrannical. They lie through their teeth; are a nuisance any progressive agenda; always thinking about ‘national interest’ – China’s.

They claim to be a party who speaks for the disposed, the downtrodden, the underprivileged – the farmers, the workers, the labourers etc. But they have always been a tyrannical lot – Mussolini, Mao, Stalin – the Indian communist comrades however are a step ahead. They have found innovative ways to operate within the constraints of a ‘democracy’ (an idea I am sure they detest because for ‘communists’ the world over THE PARTY comes first. Oh! And itz only THE PARTY which is supposed to exist).

So while shooting down or creating all kinds of hurdles and obstacles at the very least for every proposal towards disinvestment, creating opportunities out of moribund, loss-making, sick government held units in other parts of the country, they go ahead unabashedly privatizing ‘communist’-ruled states.

Which means that while other states are left to labour with their sick govt. held units, West Bengal and Kerala can move ahead on their agenda of economic revival. A very base unit of any economic activity is ‘entrepreneurial spirit’ and a market-enviroment. One should be willing to take risks by investing capital/resources and meet the needs of market thus making a profit out of one’s efforts.

West Bengal intends to provide all of this to the investors who want to invest mega-bucks in the state. This despite the fact that ‘Union’, ‘Strike’ and ‘Kolkata’ are synonymous in this country. The West Bengal government is willing to extend its proverbial arm and leg to secure FDI. One of the conditions from the investors that is that it needs land for its projects. So the WB govt. goes all out to procure the same from the poor farmers. No harm in that as long as there is a viable rehabilitation program and the farmers are provided alternative sources of sustenance and the procurement is voluntary. The ‘situation’ arises when the farmers refuse to part with their land.

Itz pretty normal till now. If this was the case in any other non-‘communist’ ruled state, the farmers would’ve been offered a lot more money, there would’ve been committees appointed to oversee rehabilitation etc. The communists would’ve been first in line and with the largest megaphones screaming @ the top of their voices for the rights of the farmers to their land. They would’ve done everything in the book and a few outside of it to make sure that project never took off. But what if the project faces similar hurdles in West Bengal. Ah! Now how can the populace defy THE PARTY. So if there is one village which opposed (Well, there was Singur and now there is Nandigram) the government’s moves, THE PARTY would move it’s cadres into the affected area, cut off access to journalists and other observers and along with the police go on a murdering spree. These are the CPI (M) death squads I am talking about – goons on the payroll of some influential CPI (M) functionary. They kill hapless farmers, women and children – those who dared oppose the diktat of THE PARTY.

The poor farmers should’ve just stood by while the government grabbed their land, paid them peanuts for it, while it didn’t bother to impart some skill which would’ve enabled them to eke out a living. After all a few farmer suicides in this country doesn’t even merit a ‘breaking news’ item on our television channels or newsprint.

Comrade, Thou art Hypocritical.

P.S: Scores of poor villagers lost their lives in Nandigram, West Bengal when police and CPI (M) opened fire. Most of the deaths have occurred as a result of injuries from sharp weapons and bullets NOT fired by the police. The area was barricaded and out of bounds for the newsmedia. Most of the casualties were those of women and children.

2007-03-27T14:24:00.000+05:30

The ‘Glamourous’ Hawkers
UP mein dum hai kyunki jurm yahaan kam hai

This is a cricket crazy nation and the keyword here is not cricket, itz crazy. Add movies to it and this is a nation of sleepwalkers who are out to believe every inconceivable shit that comes their way. The more outrageous the dream, the more believable. The advertisers, the smart guys who get ‘icons’ (aside: smirk) like Amitabh Bacchan to sell you your bottle of “Banphool Tel” (my dumb countrymen, do you believe that Amitabh in his wildest, most adventurous dream would ever venture near anything close to banphool tel) or get Sachin Tendulkar to peddle ‘SunFeast – har ghar mein Sachin’ biscuits for that matter. The list is long, gory and a conjob par excellence.

Just like with our politicians, we have allowed our celebrities to run amok with their bag of goodies; we have let them fool us with false promises; we have allowed them to show us false dreams, to squat on our consciousness. It doesn’t matter that the bigger the celebrity endorsing the brand, the fatter his paycheck and hence more is the amount of money that the company has to ‘extract’ (wondering: is ‘extort’ a good synonym here) from it’s ‘esteemed customers’ and thatz YOU.

Our obsession with ‘Page 3’ is grotesque. Yours truly is now aware of names like Miniissha Lamba (spelling of the name altered to defy all conventions on the ‘advice’ of some joker like ‘Sanjay Jumaani’ or ‘Sunita Menon’ – the former a ‘numerologist’, the latter, a tarot card reader’) – her contribution to society – a few page 3 parties and willingness to drop her dress for the camera. And then there’s the obnoxious ‘Amrita Arora’ – her claim to fame – a few bombed movies and her ‘boyfriend’ who apparently is a cricketer (I haven’t seen him in any team though. Apparently, he plays in England. But so do Aungwardanda Gimbo and Joe Bloggs. I don’t have anything against the bloke but hey he is featured in ‘page 3’ alongside Amrita). Oh! as for the classical debate on why does one read those sections in the papers and watch those spots on TV? – I don’t; itz just everywhere: in the morning papers, on all channels on TV (I have to admit that I am now tired of watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies, and the big cats of Africa and hence surf channels a bit and it is here that these 'goody peddlers' jump @ me)

Since we are ‘good’ Indians, we even have ‘caste & class’ for celebrities which makes Katrina Kaif the higher class, Malaika Arora Khan (middle class but with upper class aspirations…. ASIDE: That explains her hatred of textiles) and Rakhi Sawant the lower middle class. O! Jejus .. there I said it.

So after much confusion and lack of coherence in this piece which is predominantly because of the onset of hunger, I’d just say to whoever is bored enough to read this piece completely: Do not fall for these dumbasses (aka celebrities), they are nothing more than ‘glamourous’ (I have my doubts there as well) hawkers.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S: The Indian Cricket Team is an average team. In fact it is not even a team. It is a bunch of individuals, some of whom have ‘performed’ in favourable conditions. We weren’t a team. We had no chance of winning the World Cup. ‘Team BCCI’ should be ashamed, it should just realize that they aren’t quite cut out for it. And so should YOU.

And all the tarot readers / numerologists were WRONG – They had predicted an India-Australia final with many of them rooting for Irfan Pathan. Pathan didn’t play a single match. India was booted out in the first round itself.

So stop being superstitious as well!!!

I AM NOT EVEN COMMENTING ON AMITABH’s SAMAJWADI PARTY AD.

UP MEIN DUM HAI KYUNKI JURM YAHAAN KAM HAI – Does he himself believe in the BULLSHIT that he is uttering?

2007-02-22T13:40:00.000+05:30

The A-B-C of Bengali
by Shivjeet Khullar (reproduced here)

A is for Office. This is where the average Kolakattan goes and spends a day hard(ly) at work. If he is in the Government he will arrive at 10:00, wipe his forehead till 11:00, have a tea break at 12:00, throw around a few files at 12:30, break for lunch at 1:00, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2:00, break for tea at 3:00, sleep in a seated position at 4:00 and go home at 5:00. It’s a hard life!

B is for Bhision (vision). For some reason most of the Bengalis don’t have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people can be seen wearing spectacles most of the time. The effects of this show in the city.

C is for Chappell. This is the Bengali word for the ‘Devil’, for the worst form of evil. At night mothers put their kids to sleep saying ‘go to bed, or Chappell will come and take you away.’

D is for Debashish. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and as an effort at creativity and distinguishing one from another they might also be called Deb, Debu, Deba, Debo with other variations like Debnath and Debprotim thrown in.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali uses ‘eeesh’ 10,089 times every year. (That’s counting eeesh and other eeesh-ish words).

F is for Feesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has an overpowering and overwhelming odour, it takes but a sniff for a Bengali to determine if a fish is all right. If not he is liable to say ‘eeesh what feeesh is theesh!’

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Debopratim and a pet name like Shontu, Chontu, Dinku while every Bengali Girl will be Paromita or Protima as well as Shampa, Champa and Tuki. Basically your nickname is there to kill your good name.
H is for Harmonium. The Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to “The Bheatles!”

I is for illeesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali feels complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in it. Even as you read this there are 2 million jholas bobbing around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same!

K is for Kee Kando. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation (something like what chaos) till ‘eeesh’ took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando’s agent is trying to hire Bipasha Bosu (nee Basu)).

L is for Lungi. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.

M is for Minibash (minibus). These are dangerous half- buses whose antics put those speed-demons on the Formula 1 race track to shame.

N is for Nangtoe. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)

P is for Phootball (football). This is always a phavourite paasshon (favourite passion) of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohun-Bagan FC and East-Bengal AC and whenever they play, the entire city comes to a grinding halt (of course it also comes to a halt as a result of strikes called by some union or political party which could vary from once-a-week to daily during elections).

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it’s the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There’s also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Rabindranath Tagore. Many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel prize. This allows everyone in Kolkata to frame their acceptance speeches and walk with their heads held high and look down at the humbler and less accomplished denizens of Delhi and Mumbai.

S is for Sardarjee who the Bengalis are very envious of because sardars are born with a semi-monkey cap on.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it’s faster to walk.

U is for Umbrella. When a Bengali baby is born they are handed one.

V is for Violensh (violence). Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will shout and scream and curse and abuse, but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is under water and every year for the last 200 years the authorities have been taken by surprise by this phenomenon!

X is for Xmas. It’s very big in Kolkata with Park Street fully lit up.

Y is for Yeshtarday (yesterday). Which is always better than today for a Bengali.

Z is for Jeebra, ..Joo, Jip and Jylophone

2007-02-21T18:24:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer:
Source of original news: chain e-mail

Subsequent comment picked up from another blog:
http://alexmachan.blogspot.com/2007/02/insult-to-indian-flag.html
Maria said...
I was at the event at New Jersey. This person put the flag near her feet to get blessing for his country. She told the authority to remove it before that someone click the photo and start distributing on Internet. I was think Alex blog is smart blog but I was wrong. We should use our discretion when we upload these pictures in the blog without putting the full side of story.Shame on you Alex. I lost trust in your blog.Maria

Gurus n Quacks
Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi - Divine Mother, The "Guru" of Sahaja Yoga, Godwoman,

The one who tramples the national flag (sic)

Like Maggi Noodles, Instant Karma is available 'for sale' today and the peddlers and/or their followers are so haughty/illiterate/ignorant/callous that they cant see beyond their shadows.

I am a shamed 'Indian' today. This is a sad day.

SHAMEFUL PICTURES OF THE NATIONAL FLAG SERVING TIME AS THE FOOTMAT OF A 'GODMOTHER'

All those 'apparently' educated people who lie prostate at the feet of such 'divine mothers and fathers', shame on you.
One of them can be seen here ... There are thousands of others.

Think about it!!

2007-02-16T15:08:00.000+05:30

Up for some laughs !!!

If thatz not going for the ball(s), what is?

Now can one get more explicit????

Source of Al-Qaeda funding !!!!!!

Use Technology for competitive advantage.....

2007-02-15T20:22:00.000+05:30

‘Candlegiri’ and the ‘Great Indian Middle Class’
Vengeance of the wannabes and also-rans of society

The great Indian middle class, one of the most hypocritical and racist communities on this planet. Why do I say this? Well, a couple of recent incidents. First, the case of Jessica Lall – a small-time model who was shot on having denied a drink to the son of an influential (quite obviously ‘rich’ ….. thatz Indian politics for you… all of them are rich…. A bunch of incompetent, corrupt, scheming, insecure, rich people) person. Now I too rejoiced when the ‘miscarriage of justice’ (yeah! The accused was initially let off amidst witnesses turning ‘hostile’ by being ‘bought off’, ‘bumped off’ or ‘threatened to push daisies’) was redressed (the court hauled the police, the lower courts etc.) and delivered a landmark decision. Manu Sharma (the accused) was to be punished for his crimes after all.

I don’t have any issues with this but look at the background – Jessica was slightly glamorous in her appearance and hence initially the interest was lukewarm from the middle classes (those who watch English news channels and then the vernacular ones to get the full import of the news… those for whom every news is ‘breaking news’ being reported ‘live and exclusive’ by breathless (mostly telegenic) ‘reporters’) – till the visual media started beaming pictures of her ‘very ordinary looking’ sister, her parents (haggard, pretty ordinary looking folks … folks who look and would have been tired of carrying the burden of injustice) – the collective realization of the middle classes was kick-started – these people are one of ‘Us’ … and how dare a person (incidentally each member of the middle class tries to break into the ‘upper class’, ‘the privileged lot’ … what many government housing boards euphemistically call the HIG, i.e. the ‘high income group’)… and thus was started the concerted campaign of bringing the culprit to justice … or shall we say retribution/ revenge.

We were then bombarded with pleas to redress the ‘miscarriage of justice’ by lighting candles at the ‘india gate’ in delhi for instance. The breathless TV ‘reporters’ were joined by ‘RJs’ (radio jockeys) who typically would score lesser in IQ tests and are generally more breathless on the FM radio stations. There were signature campaigns (e-mail campaigns for the more technologically inclined). There were also a few ‘sms’ contests (Should manu sharma be hanged? Type “Manu Y” for Yes; “Manu N” for No and send it to 6644. The first 300 would qualify for a 3-day vacation to Malaysia and would also get front row seats in the courtroom when the verdict is delivered).

Why am I raving and ranting against the middle classes? I am one of them, right? One of them …

One who struggles day in and day out to break into the next upper category….
One who looks wistfully at business class seats while flying economy in a cattle carrier…
One who looks down upon people who make much less money and are not ‘privileged enough’ …
One who if fair by color of skin would look down upon people with a darker skin… the evidence is the surging sales of fairness creams (for more evidence look at matrimonial ads… wanted bride: fair/gori, blah blah .. or boy, fair/5’ 7”, 5-fig salary)…
One who doesn’t acknowledge all those unfortunate people who happen to have been born into poverty and a life of misery ….
One who dreams of social equity but wont want the dalits or the poor, the umkempt to be in the same vicinity as us (they have no class!!)
One who discriminates … (check her English out … her accent is funny) …
One chest-beating nationalist who probably hasn’t ever stood up when the national anthem was sung .. unless someone was looking …
One who is too keen to dispense justice .. to engage in ‘prohibition’/ ‘censure’ of any kind…
One who wants cheap labour – maids, drivers, errand boys etc. but who’ll rave n rant about the slums in the cities (no slums, no cheap labour my friends) …

I am ashamed of the ‘great Indian middle class’.
Where were/are they:

- When a dalit woman and her daughter were raped & murdered by half the upper-class menfolk of a village in maharashtra?
- When women were raped in moving cars in the nation’s capital?
- When crime is committed openly in full public eye?
- When middle class people in middle class cars try and bully ‘bikers’ (bikes cost less) and pedestrians on the streets?
- When there is so much misery around (and they sit tight in front of their 21” flat screen color TVs watching ‘english’ channels)

Maybe busy watching their ‘english’ channels, participating in some ‘sms contests’, buying ‘fairness’ creams or maybe lighting candles for some ‘cause’.

Or probably watching ‘news’ of Shilpa Shetty fashioning herself as india’s ambassador at ‘Big Brother’ (sic)…

AFTERTHOUGHTS:
I dont think there would have been any candlelight vigils if Jessica was an ugly, fat woman ... after all.. how would the designer middle-classes bring themselves to hold a candle to a fat, ugly woman and how could they identify with her ... with Jessica they were fine ... she could represent the ‘middle classes’ just fine …
Here was a fine specimen who the middle-classes could claim as their own ... just like they have been claiming citizens of all nationalities but of ‘Indian origin’ (their forefathers probably went there as conscripts, slaves, cheap labour or fortune hunters) as their own (Kalpana Chawla, Sunita Willaims, Mahendra Choudhary – in case you didn’t know .. the ex-Prime Minister of Fiji who was deposed in a coup – to name a few).

2007-02-11T22:28:00.001+05:30

Mere Yaar ki Shaadi hai !!!!
Homer has found his Marge ...

I got engaged on 26th of Jan which means that every year people in India will get the day off and I will get bugged by my fiancée who would then have become my wife (for now I’ll call her high-command) to celebrate esp. since it would be a holiday for the both of us. I have a plan though in case the bugging gets too much to handle – I switch to another country so I don’t get bugged on the 26th of Jan (Republic Day in India and a public holiday) :-) … but hey who knows, I guess I would have to celebrate it after office hours even if in a different country.

When I wasn’t engaged I used to think of marriage with mixed emotions coz I have always been (or thought so) of the behavorial differences in men and women – the ‘men are from mars and women are from venus’ kinds. I haven’t found it difficult to connect with women (some are impossible though) … but I also felt quite a few no. of times that they are given to emotions a bit too much. But then you see the other side of the coin, and that is that they are so much more involved and ‘giving’ when it comes to relationships.

We men find it difficult to live upto expectations … and most of the times we bring this pressure on ourselves. As for me, I’m in that phase when everything appears positive and achievable … maybe it’s love … lemme just rephrase it, I’m sure it is :-)

Dear blog, till next time … keep rocking.

2006-09-07T17:08:00.000+05:30

The Pigeon and The Statue

It’s pretty amazing talking to people you once worked with. You tend to learn so much about them and yourself in the exchange. You also get a lot more gossip including those involving you – about how your new-found friend and some old trusty ones felt bad, let-down and de-motivated when they were witness to your ex-boss bad-mouthing you. Ex-bosses are a special category I tell them – It is in their interest to do what they are doing. We are wrong in expecting them to be our saviours, we anoint them as our own ‘Santa Claus’ and we expect the goodies, to our own doom, while ignorant of the fact that the ex-boss is busy with his own Santa. This chain ties up neatly all the way. There are links in the chain which are sturdy, strong, and reliable and depending on where you are looking from, it is where either the search begins or ends.

So how does one deal with such a situation? Well one certainly has to accept the fact that on ‘some days we are the pigeon and on others we are the statue’. But in this role-play the opportunity to be the pigeon is important.

If you have a ‘prolific pigeon’ for a boss who has taken a particular liking for you, the ‘Statue of Liberty’, then you are in for a lot of shit [pun unintended]. The challenge is to find pigeons who believe in fair and equitable distribution of their ‘holy droppings’ and not be partial towards any particular statue no matter how appealing. That’s what a man-manager is supposed to do I believe – motivate his team.

Oh! And I guess I would start campaigning against pigeons being used as docile symbols of peace. Have you ever seen a particularly mean, combative, insecure, your-worst-nightmare-pigeon? I believe there is an active lobby within the CIA or Mossad or MI6 or whatever-spook-agency trying to character-assassinate the pigeon. It is a bird of prey and god help you if you are a particularly nice statue [ref. ‘Statue of Liberty’, the one who stands for free speech

Going back to dilbert, I believe Scott Adams got it right when he describes the pigeon (he calls it ‘The Boss’) as follows:

http://dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/the_characters/index.html#boss

pi·geon² - The Boss - He's every employee's worst nightmare. He wasn't born mean and unscrupulous, he worked hard at it. And succeeded. As for stupidity, well, some things are inborn.

His top priorities are the bottom line and looking good in front of his subordinates and superiors (not necessarily in that order). Of absolutely no concern to him is the professional or personal well-being of his employees. The Boss is technologically challenged but he stays current on all the latest business trends, even though he rarely understands them.

2006-09-06T13:59:00.000+05:30

Dilbert's Rules of order

The corporate survival kit

-- I dont have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem

-- I love deadlines. I especially like the way the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

-- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If she isn't there the first time, chances are you wont need her again.

-- Don't be irreplacable. If you cant be replaced, you cant be promoted.

-- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

-- Accept that some days you are the pigeon.... and some days you are the statue.

-- Age doesnt always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

-- Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

-- If it wasnt for the last minute, nothing would get done.

-- When you dont know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

-- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day; Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

-- When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane

2006-06-26T12:21:00.000+05:30

Some things are just worth the trouble

15 secs of exhilaration for 15 days of hard work

Funny days are here again …. the twists and turns of life … when the ears hear something and the eyes detect something else …. When the mind goes bonkers trying to figure out the “gap” that it perceives in what it hears and what it sees/feels …. Overworked imagination hahn! … well, could be …. Can one help it … nope! … But yeah it is moments like these … the thrill, the challenge, the uncertainty which bring out the person that you really are … which define what you stand for … the USPs for the product “YOU” …

It is at moments like these that I am taken back in time …. When I dust my memory to extract that one instance when resolve triumphed all odds, when persistence paid off, when realization struck that no matter how tough the journey, the summit is always worth it …

I thus go back to my trekking days … when I set out to romance "Darwa Top, Garhwal Himalayas" standing at 13500 ft above mean sea level …

Uttarkashi is where we set up base camp … it was called the “acclimatization camp” – we were getting used to the “ice-cold water”, the regimen of waking up @ 5:00 in the morning at the shrill shriek of a whistle, adroitly relieving ourselves in the jungle/bushes/shrubs/anyplace-to-keep-compromising-modesty-to-acceptable-limits….

After the week long acclimatization regimen viz. all of the above and treks to the nearby hills with full gear and rock climbing routies, we set out on “The Journey” one fine morning … The whole group was quite enthusiastic and gung-ho … Thus is began ..

We had to trek for 15 straight days walking 28-30 kms everyday, starting from “Camp Zero” .... carrying 25-30 kgs of weight (we had to carry everything ... food ... change of clothes ... first aid kit ... survival kit, camping gear, extra shoes etc.) ...

Everyday there were varying amounts of incline ... sometimes 65-70 degrees ... it was a tough job ... it could break a man's will several times each day .... Everyday I used to think "Why the hell am I torturing myself?" .... The urge to turn back was very powerful .... I still pushed myself further everyday ....

After 15 days when we reached the peak .... just as I was able to drag myself to the peak and touch the stone there [dutifully it had "sapna + rajesh" scrawled upon itself; No rock or wall worth its salt goes without graffiti :-)] ... the weather turned .. one moment it was bright and sunny ... the next it was dark and snowing ... people scampered ... visibility was ‘1 foot’ and it was bone-chilling ... somewhere in the mad scramble I lost my footing .... I fell down and went rolling down the hill for what seemed like eternity … I thought I’d die there and be buried in the snow .... a cold, unforgiving, anonymous death …. But I managed to roll down and hit the track again when it wound its way around the peak ....

I waited to catch my breath and steeled myself and kept moving till I reached the summit base camp..... I have never enjoyed hot maggi more in my life ... neither have I ever seen a sight more beautiful and breathtaking like the one from beside the "sapna + rajesh" rock ... nor have I ever felt the rush of being "on top of the world" like I did there (albeit for 10 secs) ....

It taught me quite a few things in life

1) It takes 15 days of hard trekking to reach a point of bliss which lasts for 15 secs.

2) Those 15 secs were definitely worth the trouble

3) What we think is our ‘limit of endurance’ is just a state of mind .... our endurance is limitless

4) Maggi and all the other small things in life really taste ‘out of this world’ ... if we learn to appreciate them by using the proper ‘measurement scale’

5) Honesty and basic human values keep improving dramatically as we keep going further up ... needs keep decreasing....

6) Rajesh reached there before I did .... and he thought of Sapna when he saw paradise ......

7) Maybe sapna reached there [but she'd have written "Rajesh + Sapna" :-)] .... maybe they both did ....

2006-06-18T13:06:00.000+05:30

Soul Soufflé: Psychobabble

The other day I was had a pretty interesting conversation which got me thinking and it really took on a wild mental roller-coaster, an intellectual bungee-jump with its attendant descent, the breaking of the fall and the reverse tug accompanied by apprehension, fear, exhilaration, and exultation.

A friend of mine SMS’ed me a question – Does fate decide everything for us or do we make our own fate?

I thought about it and something which came to me straight away was that the answer when posed to anyone would depend on his current state of mind. A person going through good times and enjoying a stint of relatively good fortune was bound to respond with an answer that we make our own fate while the same person when going through relatively difficult times would likely respond that everything is decided by fate. I have seen this happen enough and more number of times with different kinds of people.

So I really thought long and hard about it and I still don’t have a very convincing answer. But I tried to put my thoughts down. The way I see it: Fate ultimately is a result of the choices we make as we go along. There are zillions of permutations and combinations which take us on a certain path. Every moment we have multiple options and choices and the choices that we make affect the options that are made available to us in future which loosely can be described as fate.

Which means that fate is made of choices that we make today and it manifests itself in the quality and quantity of future options/choices made available to us. But what about timing? What about “when” those choices present themselves? It is extremely important when certain choices present themselves to us. There are options/choices which when presented to us when are in a certain frame of mind are no-brainers – but in the long term they wouldn’t probably be the most prudent options to opt for. Which leads to the question: What is it that drives us to make choices and decisions? We mostly are guided by short-term gains; by visibility of advantages in the short term.

Aren’t our judgments clouded by the visible, by what’s on the surface, by what we stand to gain “now’ rather than after “t” time? I have seen most people going the short term way. And I have realized that for all our education and purported intelligence we are still guided by “instincts”, “gut feel”, “today, now” and when our decisions are guided by instincts they tend to present the best possible state in the near present as the most optimal choice. So we are more dependent on survival, immediate satisfaction and gratification as the guiding principles of decision making.

It would seem that in this day and age of “instant karma”, “fast food” and “immediate communication” it is more than apt ….

2006-05-15T16:16:00.000+05:30

The desi version of CNN-IBN

What the hell do local cable newscasters do with laptops

The other day when I had stopped over at “home sweet home” onward on one of my routine travels, I ended up catching an episode of the local TV news. The cable-wallahs aren’t to be left behind in this capitalistic economy. They are doing their best beaming live/deferred-live-claiming-to-be-live news on the local channel complete with brand-name, logo of the channel, ticker-tape of “breaking news”, local hair-oil ad-spot, a distinctly uncomfortable tie-clad unshaven newscaster (or a heavyset matronly looking one) with the frills of “live news” viz the laptop. It was funny to watch those guys reporting local news -- how a certain Mr. Amitabh houdhary won the JSCA (Jharkhand State Cricket Association) presidentship after having staved off a stiff fight from Some-Mr-Mahato, the home minister with additional sports portfolio in the current dispensation in power.

- I say it was funny because I found those guys clicking the laptop every now and then giving those Star-News, CNN-IBN kind of looks; you gotta see it to believe it…

- Besides the mannerism of the click on the keyboard was more akin to that of the guy punching in the details behind the railway reservation counter – they tend to use only one finger to cover the entire expanse of the keyboard ….

- I couldn’t help but wonder what it was on their laptop screens that they were staring. Was it Solitaire? Or the list of groceries they needed to carry on their way back home.

- Oh! And there was a serious-looking sardarji in brown striped shirt and matching brown striped tie (I’m talking horizontal stripes for both the shirt and the tie) writing furiously every now and then … alternating studiously between clicks on the laptop and furious writing spree on a batch of crumpled papers at his disposal.

Getting back to the electoral brouhaha, the "breaking news": Apparently the promise on which the incumbent retained power was that he’d been instrumental in getting MSD (Mahendra Singh Dhoni, the humble rockstar and poster-boy of Indian cricket and the messiah and idol of small-town India) into the Indian cricket team and how he’d be producing more MSDs (boy! I thought JSCA was untouched by coporate ethics viz. expressly taking credit for something which you had nothing to do with and had no inkling of).

Right at that moment the newscaster’s (yeah the sardar in brown horizontal stripes) promise of getting back after a “short commercial break” and his instruction/request not to flip channels (as there was more interesting news to come by) broke the trance that I was held under and I flipped channels as the ad with a local guy (The desi John Abraham … with long tresses, bike et al) and local girl (the gal with local John has to be local Bipasha) espousing the difference that “London English Coaching Class” had brought about in their lives and how they could now kanfeedently talk in Englees thanks to “London English Coaching Class”.

Small Town India is surely down the aspirational path and sure as hell producing heroes by the dozen. …. So MSDs, Md. Kaifs and Suresh Rainas are the new gods of this land!!!

2006-04-24T18:07:00.000+05:30

Pleasure: The small things in Life !!!

It is amazing how one can have a refreshing conversation even with the Boss J. In fact I had one today …. And indeed it was quite a pleasure when in fact it was on not-so-comfortable territories (ASIDE: All those twisted minds … don’t get any arcane ideas) … So it was about career, growth, fit, organisation and stuff !!! Interesting and quite refreshing …

I guess once in a while you need to speak to yourself; to “stand naked in front of the mirror and ask the difficult questions” (ASIDE: I can those twisted minds going off on a tangent again) … but such is life and such are its ways …

One must always be doing what one enjoys .. else learn to enjoy what one is doing else it is just not worth it … Besides life is not a job, a boss, a career … it is not about proving yourself to anyone … it is about being comfortable in one’s skin .. about being what one is .. and finding happiness in what one is doing …

The idea of “perfection” is a constant chase and the damn thing about chasing a mirage, because that’s what “perfection” seems to be, is that it constantly keeps shifting. So how does one manage to find peace, contentment, happiness?

By looking forward to going back home, by looking to read that book that you have been reading … by spreading happiness because thatz how it comes back to you. A simple “good morning” to the security guard on your way to office; a “hey! nice tie” to a colleague or a “wow! excellent idea” to an enthusiastic mate should do the job just fine … the pleasure of putting a smile on someone’s face is immeasurable … the knowledge of being an “agent of positivity” is worth its weight in gold …

So here I am, despite what other people would term as a “alarm bells on” conversation feeling really good. You guys think I am weird, aren’t you? Well! I am … and I revel in that knowledge … :)

2006-04-24T17:19:00.000+05:30

My Good Friend E!

Outpouring of an “Emotional Garbage Bin”

This is a personal piece. I don’t generally put up personal stories on a public site but then “where there’s a rule, there’s an exception”. A personal incident and a few of my ‘outlandish’ theories to follow.

This story is about a mad girl … and I really mean ‘mad’… both in a good and bad way !!!! Letz call her E. It so happens that I’ve known E for some years now. And I have to admit that this has been a great learning experience and E has been a great teacher. She has taught me a lot about womanhood and the irrationality of their thought processes. Well, there I have made a provocative, sweeping generalist statement. All those “feminist-types” would now be hot under the collar and baying for my blood. To them, I say, just relax; I made the statement about women being “irrational” from a man’s point of view which you discredit anyways, so relax. :)

Now that’s what I call logic ….

OK, now back to E. In all time that I have known her, E has gone through 2 heartbreaks and I have spent enormous amounts of time, effort and money listening to her sob-stories (do I sound harsh???? … well! you should know the no. of hours clocked listening to those depressing run-of-events … that late @ night …. that many times .. and you know what I am talking about).

So, here’s E struggling to get over one heartbreak coz the dude she was seeing flipped @ the last moment and went his own way. Fair enough, men are bastards (I see the feminists nodding vigorously and I am not at all surprised that they’ve read till this point….. EXPRESSION: Smug). So I had to endure those late nights providing a shoulder to depression-stricken E and hear out her ‘arbit, morbid’ theories in the middle of the night. E wants the 'ditcher' (yeah! The dude who has ditched her) to suffer the worst fate …. And that too not in hell …. She wants him to suffer "Right Here, Right Now" …. She cannot stand the guy being happy … She wants him hauled over the coals/ fed to hungry lions/ shackled in a 'harem of homosexual men'/ hung by the b***s;

One fine day she scans the papers and lo! and behold! finds our man on ‘page 3’ flashing his "wrigley's white" smile at the camera with his eye-candy of a wife [thatz what E claims … I have never seen her ... but I sure as hell dont want to coz that would give me a severe complex ;-) ... coz the guy ... umm! seriously I just dont think he deserves any better] hanging on his shirt sleeves. There goes a round of fuming, raving, ranting -- “ I want that bastard castrated”, “There is no justice in this world”, “I wonder if there is any god at all”, “ I don’t know who to trust”. Thus follow numerous blah-de-blah sessions … and there goes another night’s sleep. Now if one has to catch an early morning flight” … or has to give up “reading my book” time it can be really irritating … especially if it happens to be the 50th such occasion ....

But I managed to surprise myself … because I hung on for 3 years … and I used to think I didn’t have much patience with people ... awry/wierd ones especially…. I feel I have outdone myself … :) [OK! that was a cheapshot ... but it was solely for dramatic effect]

Along the way I have been accused of “trying to make others feel that you are superior to them…. You really put them down to an extent that they feel they are full of shit” …. Yeah! … and other crimes like “you are too full of yourself” … well partly correct …. I am not too full of myself … well! I am to some extent .. and I don’t think it’s a bad thing … itz like capitalism, you know … it has been amply demonstrated that it is the only workable solution … capitalism I mean; socialism having become defunct and moribund … itz like our hatred of “stinking rich” people while desperately wanting to get rich at the same time ….. basically it is our imperfections staring us in the face and making us miserable …. So I am OK being full of myself … as long as I don’t harm others by my machinations … ;-)

E’s idea of ‘having a life’ is “DJing”; Fine!!! Music is an acronym of “life” for many people .. and so it is for me as well … E’s hobby is “music”, E’s idea of a good time is ‘partying’ … I haven’t heard anything else in all these years like reading ..oh! shucks … I did hear that a couple of times … but that was more on the lines “Oh! So you are reading this book hahn! … even I got a book today” …. So one would guess that music would take care of all E’s problems … like a hobby, activity or a passion is supposed to … but no! even music failed …. [ASIDE: There I go boasting about my reading habits ... She was right -- I am too full of myself .... But hell! it could be philately, painting, counting stars, pottery ... any 'real' hobby .. which gets some creative juices flowing ... pun completely unintended]

Sometimes I get the feeling that E is a very ‘lost child’, probably wants to believe that she’s a perfectly humble, innocent girl who is completely misunderstood; she just cant fathom why people “stab me in the back” … when she claims that “I have done so much for them” …. Yeah! .. if you call people, use their time, unload your emotional burden on them, expect them to listen to your litany of woes and AGREE! .. I guess your idea of “I have done so much for them” is slightly warped. [ASIDE: There goes the "too full of himself" bastard]

After a couple of years or providing my shoulder for E’s ‘tears’ at her convenience …. Another dude walks into her life … perfectly normal, humble person … of the foreign-returned kinds …. (I don’t know about the accent bit ... I mean whether he "had it" or not ... ASIDE: pun completely unintended yet again)…. And the inevitable heartbreak followed … and E promptly sought out my shoulder and patient listening skill (as patient as I can be .. but with E I was … I don’t know why … maybe pity … maybe sympathy … maybe empathy … maybe momentum … ) Another year of my being “Emotional Garbage Bin” ensued … but then one fine evening, with the same thing happening yet again, something snapped inside me…. I have my own problems in life … and E’s style of repeating the whole damn incidents (of how she went to the party where she saw B … and how her erstwhile friend Y told something nasty about her to her friend X’s wife M … who is good pals with P … phew!) … with each incident being narrated again and again and again, I became nauseous and had to give it straight to E. I told her “you should seek professional help to get over your problems” …. And that was it … E told me “you are the most selfish bastard I've ever known … who only thinks about himself … who wants to make other people feel like shit because they aren’t as strong as you are” …. [ASIDE: I agree that was way too harsh ... but then once you provide a shoulder to lean on .. and you begin to feel the whole weight of the burden, to the extent where you are like a tissue/napkin to be used to get someone's nose blown into ... it gets kinda frustrating ...]

So E! wish you all the best with your “music” !!! And apologies to have put this up on my site … but unlike you I don’t have an “Emotional Garbage Bin” @ my disposal…..

P.S: E! There are multiple ways to deal with one’s frustration, depression and all other negative emotions … This is mine .. and it is mighty helpful … it works … so! Please find one that works for you …. And yeah! No offence meant.

2006-04-04T19:28:00.000+05:30

The Rat Race Derby

Dude: The Hot-Shot Young Executive

This is the story of “dude”, who fancies himself as a hotshot, young (sic… if you can call a 30-year-old that), jet-setting (is there a word called train-setting?) executive. When dude entered one of the top B-schools in the country (the topmost of those with American affiliations), he was ecstatic, believing firmly that he had finally “arrived” in life.

He stepped out with stars in his eyes; stars shining bright because dude was out to change the world. After all, he had the necessary tools to make it big (pun completely unintended), really big: A B-school degree from one of the best schools, a foreign stint, names of large corporations on his resume, decent grades (to show for all the sacrificed dates)

The stars remain but they seem to be covered by dark clouds of exasperation every now and then. Dude, when he walked into a much revered MNC post his “MBA”, one offer out of three, had a chip on his shoulder. He wore the badge of is achievement with pride. He then came to the realization that the there is a world which is very antagonistic to change, to high-sounding degrees.

Dude, often found himself lost and dazed in the labyrinth of an “empowered workplace” and woke up to the power of “personal equations”. He screamed, beat his chest and asked himself “Did I put in so much time, effort and money just to realize that in the workplace there’s a lot of sucking up to do?”. Dude asked himself ‘Do I need to embody the spirit of the vacuum cleaner in order to realize my dreams?’.

It is then that it struck dude that his definition of dreams was faulty. It is then that the true worth of his ‘education’ came forth in a moment of shining revelation and absolute clarity dawned. Dude remembered an exercise that he went through while in school. Asked to write a eulogy firstly the way dude would like to be remembered and then as his best friend (would write with utmost honesty). The way dude wrote his own eulogy would then be what he really wanted to be, and his friend’s speech would be what he really had been. There was a gap. There often is with all of us (provided we are honest).

Often we take a path only to realize much later that we were chasing a mirage all along. It is often too late to turn back. Getting into the rat-race is easy. It is unforgiving and there rarely is a return. B-school didn’t teach me to be another jockey in the ‘rat race derby’, it taught me to realize my FULL potential. Problem with most of us is that our definition of ourselves, of FULL is confined to the workplace; at least our ‘professional life’ is the largest contributor/parameter of self-appraisal.

Dude wants to be a good professional but not at the cost of being a good human being, a responsible son, a trustworthy friend, a fun guy to be with. Dude wants to read his books; wants to write his silly articles; wants to kid himself that he’s pretty good at watercolors; wants to imagine a deafening applause when he belts out classics in the shower; dude wants to take pleasure in the small things in life.

Dude has finally ‘arrived’ in life.

2006-03-29T13:03:00.000+05:30

Why Am I?

Why Am I? Being driven by my surroundings and complaining about the same. I am not taking charge of my life, my desires, my aspirations; I am being directed by my surroundings, reacting, time and again to situations/events/happenings all around me. I am playing the game, the rules of which are being set by someone else. I am one of the herd: a herd out on a mad rush.

Why Am I? Littering the streets and complaining about all pervasive filth. Why do I crib about the results of my doing and of those of my ilk? What makes me think that it is OK for me to litter but not so for the others. What is so special about me that renders me damn well above board.

Why Am I? Seeking perpetual attention and confirmation of my being. Why do I have to get a nod of approval from those around me - to feel alive, to feel wanted, to feel myself. I am conferring the power of my BEING, the authority of justifying my ‘Self’/my ‘Existence’ to someone else, someone that either has no clue about who or what I am or one that doesn’t care; worse still, one who is neither aware nor gives a damn.

Why am I? Defining my sense of being by my “achievements” and “success”. Who defines success for me? Is it me or someone else? Should I even be bothered about my ‘relative’ well-being amongst my peers: measuring myself against my lot with the kind of car that I drive, the size of the house that I live in, the clubs that I attend or the quantum of frequent flyer miles I have accumulated?

Why Am I? Losing myself to the crowd. Losing the larger picture of LIFE; pushing myself on the road when 20 years hence I would like to undo whatever I am doing right now, yearning for a fresh start when I could make one, right now. Who would set the parameters for my happiness if not me?

2006-03-29T12:14:00.000+05:30

Digital Matrimonial

A girl’s search for Mr. Right: Reproducing a blog by a Mumbai gal out on the ‘digital hunt’ for just the right guy

At the onset itself, let me make it clear, the search for Mr. Right can be an experience, which is anything from neurotic to exceptionally funny! Of course all that, depends upon your way of taking things. I usually just laugh at them.

Okay, so the story begins in Mumbai the land of opportunities, on my 23rd birthday, which was incidentally just six months ago. “Beta, I think, now we should start looking for a bridegroom for you.” My grandmother said, and like I have been since the age of 20, I laughed expecting my parents to join in. But this time they didn’t. Apparently my days were numbered and soon I would have to get married and start a new life, or so I am lead to believe! Anyways, my dear parents tell me that they have no issues if I find myself a better half, black or white, ugly or good-looking, as long as he is well-educated and male!

"We have no issues if you find a guy for yourself,” they said. And since the Big Bazaar sale didn’t exactly have bridegrooms “sabse sasta” (can you image the rush there would have been if that was the case?) I really have no idea how to find myself a groom! And hence I agreed to the age-old regime of chai and kanda poha, basically the arranged marriage funda!

Number 1: Cut to Pune. We enter this posh locality in the city and I am told the guy is an engineer and has a roaring business of his own. How roaring, we soon found out as we parked our car outside a majestic bungalow! As we entered the house, with expensive looking artifacts, my mother’s eyes twinkled mischievously as if sending in a silent message “So far so good”. A pleasant looking lady with a welcoming face greeted us. Well the lady (prospective ma-in-law) seemed really nice, friendly and talkative, but the prospective-groom was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, a grave looking, expressionless guy (he actually looked like President George Bush when he heard about the Twin Tower news) walked into the room. He said a curt “hello” and sat down. No smile!!!!!!! That’s it the decision was made. A guy who didn’t know how to smile was definitely not my type, no matter how much his business really roared. After spending what seemed like an interminable half an hour in the grave man’s company, I ran for my life.

That should have put me off the whole process, but not really! “Shaadi karni hai na? To yeah sub to karna padega!” my mother summoned, and I began questioning myself, do I really want to get married? So after a few weeks, another one of those interminable sessions approached. I tapped on my sense of humor and set of for yet another encounter!

Number 2: Well, this story was just plain boring. The guy was a hotshot MBA with a big fat pay cheque but unbelievably dull. He just couldn’t stop talking about how Indian economy was going down the drain (Duh I think he wasn’t even talking about India in this century, for as per our budget, Indian economy is going at it man!) Anyways…after learning that I could actually sleep while keeping my eyes open, I got the hell out of there and ever since tried keeping my distance.

And since then, tall guys with short surnames, short guys with long surnames, thin guys with fat pay cheques, fat guys with thin pay cheques…I have read all their profiles and decided against meeting most of them!

Ironically enough not one seemed interesting enough! None clicked! It’s early days still of course, and my cousin tells me that Abhi abhi to shuruwat hui hai…but every now and then, I go through sessions of self pity, when I wonder where are all the interesting guys? Looks really don’t matter to me…it’s been kinda my track record, that even my crushes weren’t the best of lookers…looks don’t attract me. Intelligence and wit, now that does! Often enough while browsing through the matrimonial profiles my parents shortlist, my mind wanders to days when as a kid I imagined a romantic liaison turning into marriage. Not once did I see myself sitting in front of a computer short-listing my prospective life partner! Oh dear, life sure isn’t always fair is it? :)

P.S: This is a reproduction of a blog, the link has been mentioned below:

http://o3.indiatimes.com/uptowngirl/archive/2006/03/01/507909.aspx

2006-03-14T00:15:00.000+05:30

Govt. of Bihar

======================================================
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------------------------------------ -----------------------

NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the licen. For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot No
(Check karet box)

2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)

3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____Will ask netaji and kom baak

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6. Okkupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no, leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________
Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13. Your thumb imparesson

____________________________
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb imparesson also. Please provide your own thumb imparesson.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE: IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
WE ARE VAERY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

Bihar RTO

P.S: Do Not Mean to make fun of any community/caste/creed.... All in good humour !!!! :)

2006-03-13T16:08:00.000+05:30

I wait for you
15-10-2002 1:13 A.M, Herziliya, Israel

Like the parched land, thirsting
Awaiting the first shower
I wait for you

Like the raindrop
Shackled in the cloud waiting to break free
I wait for you

Like the sunflower
Reaching out, straining for a ray of the sun
I wait for you

Like the rainbow
Waiting to peer through the dark skies
I wait for you

I have waited for you; For as long as memory goes
It was the moment of truth; when I saw you ...
It was the silver, lining the clouds
when you smiled

I Walk through a maze -- lost, confounded
Enveloped by a strange numbness
Devoid of emotion, beyond feeling
Like a canvas waiting to be filled
In the colors of life ...

I thirst for love, as I reminisce
What would life be, without you …
I wait for you.

2006-03-13T15:55:00.000+05:30

Passion
07-04-2002 1:13 A.M, Curium Beach, Cyprus

Beneath the blanket of stars, wet sand in my feet 
The sound of the sea -- crashing in my ears 
The passion, the frenzy; of longing embrace

The waves rushing to meet the shore,
               I see love unbridled like never before….

The wait is over -- the lovers meet 
With no one as witness; Save the stars and the breeze..
And walking alongside; My solitude and me

My dream lies shattered -- the mirage disappears
Mocked by the moon and driven to tears,
               I open my eyes and feel you near ….

You hold my hands and touch my face 
Of all the pain I felt within, there’s not a single trace.
 
You still do it to me -- After all these years,
Put a smile on my lips, Calm my fears…..

As I lie down drenched, lost in your thoughts 
You rush into my arms, along with the waves...
Engulf me with so much love, wash away the pain .

Images flash in my eyes; Of many years past -- the cool summer rain,
The moment I saw you there, I knew I'd never,
Ever be the same again.

2006-03-11T16:58:00.000+05:30

The Tragic Indian Middle Class

Caught in a time warp with winds of change swirling around

The “Great Indian Middle Class”, a feel-good moniker really for the “tragic Indian middle class” has finally found something to feel good about itself. This poor (pun unintended) class of people who aspire for “page 3” or “noveau riche” status but have to make do with battered public transport, the tax burden and window shopping each day of their lives, have found their voice. Or so it seems. Two incidents which occurred in the recent past have seemed to lend credence to the theory that the middle classes are here to be heard. President Bush’s reference to them (albeit in passing) and their successful SMS petition through NDTV (who counts them as their ‘target audience’) to the President of India (reg. the miscarriage of justice in the Jessica Lal murder trail).

So what is it that has triggered the middle classes out of their lethargy? Sudden realization of the bad state of affairs all around and the desire to change things, through SMS’ at least to start with. Or is there something else to it.

As far as President Bush was concerned, I’m sure he was talking to shampoo, cold drink, burger, and toothpaste and shaving cream consumers – needs that American companies would look to fulfill. Apart from zillions of other things American of course in including accents, fake, acquired or painstakingly cultivated.

But as far as the Jessica case is concerned, is there another dimension to it? Of course there were others (Priyadarshini Mattoo comes to mind) before her who met an equally tragic and gruesome end but these people shrugged their shoulders and moved on. Jessica was photogenic. She was part of the ‘page 3 crowd’. She wasn’t one of us – the middle classes. She belonged to a class which we sneered upon publicly but wanted to be a part of. Then, when pictures of her family were splashed across television screens – the haggard old father beaten down by the weight of a 7 year old struggle for justice, very much middle class in appearance; the mother whose time ran out on her and she bid goodbye before she could be a party to this ‘freak show’; the despondent sister, not matching her sibling in glamour and very much a ‘nice middle class girl’ – the middle classes realized that injustice had been perpetrated on them by one that they loathe but secretly still want to be – the jet set, the Bina Ramanis, the Shayan Munshis et al. It became an “us vs. them” and the power of the cellphone prevailed (aided of course by breathless and frantic anchors on English news channels catering to those who have mastered or pretend to have mastered the language thus justifying their status). It is a peculiar set of people.

This peculiar class of people –

1) Which seldom votes but complains about the pathetic state of affairs of the country’s body politic

2) Which spits on the streets; Seeks out freshly painted walls and clean lifts to leave a beetle or pan-masala-stained mark of their presence and yet complains about filth on the streets

3) Which pushes a 50 rupee note @ the traffic constable upon being caught in the act of a traffic violation and cries foul when a politician is caught accepting a bribe

4) Which ogles at every woman with hungry eyes while letting his fertile imagination run wild and bays for the blood of a film star caught with his pants down

5) Which love talking about morals and ideals and flouts them at the first opportunity

6) Which resents being treated in a patronizing manner by the privileged class but does the same nonetheless to those less privileged; regularly trampling upon the self-esteem of the chaukidaars (security guards), the office boys/peons, the drivers and the kaamwaali bais (household help)

Much to say the middle classes are ‘India personified’. We have always been “like that only”. We needlessly have taken the “moral high ground” at the expense of our common sense, reasoning and logic. We have always looked upon ourselves as leaders (NAM, SAARC, Leader of the third world … blah-de-blah) while ignoring the filth, the famine, the floods, the poverty which continually ravage our country. Much to our chagrin and discomfort our purported followers never looked upon us as leaders because we have as many if not any lesser no of people scraping out a wretched existence.

But now that India is basking in new found confidence I hope the middle classes too will shed their baggage; they will not be the insecure lot that they have been; that they will demand their right and do their due; that they will take things as they come, confident in their own abilities and being comfortable in their skins – not looking for a scapegoat to heap their frustrations on.

The winds of change are all around. I just wait for the day when people would stand up and say “it begins at home”.

2006-03-11T13:46:00.000+05:30

Neo Liberal Rabble Rousers

This past week, the US president, George W. Bush’s visit to the subcontinent led to tumultuous events. While Laura went about visiting the sets of a cartoon movie-in-the-making and George tip-toed from clinching the nuclear deal to admiring buffaloes, there were protests on the streets led by the communists and the Muslims. The Muslims were protesting against the affront to their religion while the communists were protesting against ????????????? well! they were just protesting; its their job.

To some extent the anger demonstrated by India’s largest minority was understandable. They were protesting against the GWB who had invaded Afghanistan, Iraq and was now threatening to train his guns on Iran. He is deemed as an enemy of ‘Islam’. Surprising though that these people were also attributing the cartoon controversy to GWB. You could blame Bush for all of the above, for being the gunslinger and invading Muslim lands, for being a sympathizer of Israel but the cartoon controversy was a “European”, specifically a Danish phenomenon.

No one has the right to make a mockery of someone’s religious beliefs in the name of “freedom of speech”. Similarly no one has the right to impose the will of any particular sect on another in a secular, democratic country. The role of the “neo liberal rabble rousers” needs to be examined in this context.

“Saleibrities” (oh! Thatz NOT a spelling error) like Ms. Arundhati Roy and her ilk take to the streets every now and then for every conceivable, doctored or manufactured “liberal” issue. We Indians must know what is in our national interest. We could make our displeasure of Bush’s policies known. We should also remember the fact that this man was invited by the Government of India. No matter how much we detest it, we would be wise to remember that this is a UNIPOLAR world. Do we like it that way? Hell, NO but it remains a fact nonetheless.

There are stark realities staring us in our face:

1) We are sandwiched between hostile nuclear states (China and Pakistan)

2) We have border disputes with both of them

3) Both of them are proliferaters of WMDs and Nuclear Technology

4) We share thousands of kms of open borders with states which are fostering terrorism in our country (read Bangladesh, Bhutan, Pakistan)

5) We have a tiny neighbor racked by communism and where the mafia/underworld and the ISI have made significant inroads (read Nepal)

6) We do not have to AGREE with everything the US of A dictates but we do not have to DISAGREE with everything either. Let us pick whatever is in our interest and discard the rest.

7) The largest and most advanced country, technologically and economically, wants to be friends with us for its own national interests. We need to find out what our national interests are and meet at a common place.

Finally, I cannot agree with the forcible shutting of shops, rioting, looting or engaging in violence. These are despicable acts and need to be condemned. There are much better ways to protest as a large majority of protesters have shown. And by the way, the UP minister who issued a fatwa against the Danish cartoonist is SICK and DUMB at the same time.

Which brings us to the point: The Islamists have a reason to protest after all. What about the “habitual protesters”: The communists? The statements coming from some “commie” quarters read as if they are more concerned about China than India. At one of the conventions, one of their very knowledgeable leaders said “This deal is harmful for China” … sic.

I was also shocked to learn that the great “commie” leader EMS Namboodripad thought China’s aggression in 1965 was legitimate. Well it might have been for all you know, but Mr. EMSN I tend to disagree. Why? Call me a nationalist or an emotional fool.

P.S: Ms. Arundhati Roy, why don’t you write another book since you have so much time. BTW, thatz much more profitable you see .. or is it that the ideas are just not clicking…. Take to the hills … Nepal, shall I suggest or Chittagong, Bangadesh.

2006-01-25T19:30:00.000+05:30

The changing face of India

Republic Day

The other day I was delivering a talk at Delhi College of Engineering (DCE) and it was quite a revelation. When I asked the congregation of assembled students as to how many of them were carrying cell phones … virtually all hands went up. It might not be such a big deal for many of you guys reading this piece because you have taken them for granted … and to make something else very clear …. I am not an old hag lost in the warps of time … for god’s sake I am 29 … JUST 29 to be precise :) … I was in college not too long ago .. and in my "college going days" cell phones were a LUXURY which only a privileged few could afford flaunting … incoming calls were priced at 5 to 6 rupees/min not to mention outgoing calls … Within a span of 5-6 years the landscape has changed … and HOW!

While @ DCE, I came across eager Java developer-wannabes … who were as clued in to J2ME as designer brands … fake or authentic :) …

This is indeed the face of new India … I asked them next as to how many of them belonged to the “metros” and again surprisingly small town India was well represented. IT has thus been a great abridger of the class difference … IT is the Raja Ram Mohan Roy of this millennium … it is the harbinger of 'class' parity ....

The question is “What has IT got to do with the demographics of an engineering college?” … Nothing on the face of it … but it has fuelled dreams, it has fired aspirations, ambitions and desire … small town India wants its share in the "good life" pie ... (which has tranlated itself into the IT pie by and large) and is giving its “metro” cousins a run for their money …

The STKs (small town kids) might not have the snazzy “accents” ('outrageous' is the adj I can think of instead of 'snazzy' … but most kids find accents “snazzy”, “cool”, “with it”) and might have grown to appreciate low-rise jeans quite late in life unlike their “METRO” cousins … but boy! are they ramping up the numbers …

Is it a great wonder that “Kajrare…..” dominated the music charts everywhere … including the discs (thatz what the “with it” people call the discos) frequented by the “METRO” dudes and babes …

India is happening … and Tier-2 cities are tier-2 no more … The Pepsis/Cokes/Whirlpools/ITCs/HLLs of the world are sweating it out in the hinterland .. We are bridging the class/caste divide not by reservations or quota or anything else … we are bridging them by fuelling dreams … by propagating the belief that the goal is achievable.

On this Republic Day … I say to all Indians … We have come a long way … Feel proud ..

But hey! don’t jump red lights, spit on the streets, litter around or be a bum on the road … Vande Matram

2006-01-14T17:21:00.000+05:30

ODE TO THE BARD !!!

Shakespeare – The Genius

COURAGE and CONVICTION ???

"To be or not to be, --that is the question:--
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"

-- From Hamlet (III, i, 56-61)

-- Hamlet, the prince of Denmark at a critical juncture of his life … where his father the King has died, his mother has married the dead king’s brother, his uncle, within a month of the incident and the apparition of the old king informs Hamlet that the new king had a hand in his murder …

-- It is easy to suffer the slings of misfortune and give up … it is tough to take arms up against ill-fate and conquer it …

LOVE ???

"O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?"

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name/

Or it thou wilt not be, be but sworn my love,/And I'll no longer be a Capulet."

-- Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet – the eternal lovers. Born on the wrong sides of “surnames” … the Capulet and Montague families being sworn enemies of each other … theirs is a saga as alive today as it was in its inception …

-- Do we control destiny .. or does destiny control us … if we are mere pawns … why should fear of the consequence stop us from action.

LIFE ???

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

--From As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143)

-- Jacques’ oration in “As you like it” encapsulating what one of the Vedic epics, Manusmriti, also encapsulates as “ashrams” of life e.g. Brahmacharya ashram, Grishastha ashram, Vanaprastha ashram, and Sanyas ashram each of 25 years’ duration.

-- If we are but playing different roles in our times and have our own entrees and exits … awareness of the same and grace in executing each if what life is all about …

DUTY ???

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings."

--From Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)

-- Brutus, The trusted lieutenant of Julius Ceasar being persuaded by Cassius to join the band of conspirators to overthrow Ceasar who has designs of doing away with the Senate and becoming an absolute monarch. Brutus, torn between duty and loyalty to his friend is in much the same predicament as Arjuna in Mahabharata, who has to take up arms but his arrows would be directed at his kin …

-- It is not easy to do one’s duty and follow the code of honour whilst the temptation to withdraw and blame it on the stars is so strong … It is easy to preach, it is difficult to practice … May each one of us have the strength.

FATE ???

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet."

--From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

-- Romeo Montague would still be the man for Juliet Capulet …. With or without the “Montague” name ….

-- Each one of us has it in himself or herself to make something out of ourselves …. whether born with or without a silver spoon in the mouth … with or without godfathers … it needs conviction in oneself, faith in one's mission and confidence that one can make a difference ..

2006-01-03T19:02:00.000+05:30

An ode to Jamshedpur – The city of my birth
Reproducing an article by L.N Mittal on Jamshedpur

I visited Jamshedpur over the weekend to see for myself an India that is fast disappearing despite all the wolf-cries of people like Narayanamurthy and his ilk. It is one thing to talk and quite another to do and I am delighted to tell you that Ratan Tata has akept alive the legacy of perhaps Indias finest industrialist J.N. Tata. Something that some people doubted when Ratan took over the House of the Tatas but in hindsight, the best thing to have happened to the Tatas is unquestionably Ratan. I was amazed to see the extent of corporate philanthropy and this is no exaggeration.

For the breed that talks about corporate social responsibility and talks about the role of corporate India, a visit to Jamshedpur is a must. Go there and see the amount of money they pump into keeping the town going; see the smiling faces of workers in a region known for industrial unrest; see the standard of living in a city that is almost isolated from the mess in the rest of the country.

This is not meant to be a puff piece. I have nothing to do with Tata
Steel,but I strongly believe the message of hope and the message of goodness that they are spreading is worth sharing. The fact that you do have companies in India which look at workers as human beings and who do not blow their software trumpet of having changed lives. In fact, I asked Mr Muthurman, the managing director, as to why he was so quiet about all they had done and all he could offer in return was a smile wrapped in humility, which said it all. They have done so much more since I last visited Jamshedpur, which was in 1992. The town has obviously got busier but the values thankfully haven't changed. The food is still as amazing as it always was and I gorged, as I would normally do. I visited the plant and the last time I did that was with Russi Mody.

But the plant this time was gleaming and far from what it used to be. Greener and cleaner and a tribute to environment management. You could have been in the mountains. Such was the quality of air I inhaled! There was no belching smoke; no tired faces and so many more women workers, even on the shop floor. This is true gender equality and not the kind that is often espoused at seminars organised by angry activists. I met so many old friends. Most of them have aged but not grown old. There was a spring in the air which came from a certain calmness which has always been the hallmark of Jamshedpur and somethingI savoured for a full two days in between receiving messagesof how boring and decrepit the Lacklustre Fashion Weak was.

It is at times such as this that our city lives seem so meaningless. Jamsetji Nusserwanji Tata had created an edifice that is today a robust company and it is not about profits and about valuation. It is not about who becomes a millionaire and who doesnt'. It is about getting the job done with dignity and respect keeping the age-old values intact and this is what I learnt.

I jokingly asked someone as to whether they ever thought of joining an Infosys or a Wipro and pat came the reply: "We are not interested in becoming crorepatis but in making others crorepatis."

Which is exactly what the Tatas have done for years in and around Jamshedpur. Very few people know that Jamshedpur has been selected as a UN Global Compact City, edging out the other nominee from India, Bangalore. Selected because of the quality of life, because of the conditions of sanitation and roads and welfare. If this is not a tribute to industrial India , then what is? Today, Indian needs several Jamshedpurs but it also needs this Jamshedpur to be given its fair due, its recognition. I am tired of campus visits being publicised to the Infosys and the Wipros of the world. Modern India is being built in Jamshedpur as we speak. An India built on the strength of coreconvictions and nothing was more apparent about that than the experiment with truth and reality that Tata Steel is conducting at Pipla.

Forty-eight tribal girls (yes, tribal girls who these corrupt and evil politicians only talk about but do nothing for) are being educated through a residential program over nine months. I went to visit them and I spoke to them in a language that they have just learnt: Bengali. Eight weeks ago, they could only speak in Sainthali, their local dialect. But today, they are brimming with a confidence that will bring tears to your eyes. It did to mine.

One of them has just been selected to represent Jharkand in the state archery competition. They have their own womens football team and whats more they are now fond of education. It is a passion and not a burden. This was possible because I guess people like Ratan Tata and Muthurman havent sold their souls to some business management drivel, which tells us that we must only do business and nothing else. The fact that not one Tata executive has been touched by the Naxalites in that area talks about the social respect that the Tatas have earned.

The Tatas do not need this piece to be praised and lauded. My intent is to share the larger picture that we so often miss in the haze of the slime and sleaze that politics imparts. My submission to those who use phrases such as "feel-good" and "India Shining" is first visit Jamshedpur to understand what it all means. See Tata Steel in action to know what companies can do if they wish to. And what corporate India needs to do. Murli Manohar Joshi would be better off seeing what Tata Steel has done by creating the Xavier Institute of Tribal Education
rather than by proffering excuses for the imbroglio in the IIMs. This is where the Advanis and Vajpayees need to pay homage. Not to all the Sai Babas and the Hugging saints that they are so busy with. India is changing inspite of them and they need to realise that.

I couldn't have spent a more humane and wonderful weekend. Jamshedpur is an eye-opener and a role model, which should be made mandatory for replication. I saw corporate India actually participate in basic nation-building, for when these tribal girls go back to their villages, they will return with knowledge that will truly be life-altering.

Corporate India can do it but most of the time is willing to shy away. For those corporate leaders who are happier winning awards and being interviewed on their choice of clothes, my advise is visit Tata Steel, spend some days at Jamshedpur and see a nation's transformation. That is true service and true nationalism.

Tata Steel will celebrate 100 years of existence in 2007. It won't be just a milestone in this company's history. It will be a milestone, to my mind of corporate transparency and generosity in this country. It is indeed fitting that Ratan Tata today heads a group which has people who are committed to nation-building than just building inflluence and power. JRD must be smiling wherever he is. And so must Jamsetji Nusserwanji. These people today, have literally climbed every last blue mountain. And continue to do so with vigour and passion. Thank god for
the Tatas!

2005-11-10T18:46:00.000+05:30

Contagion: The Network Spread

How each humble PC is connecting to the network to create a truly powerful Super-Computer

Come to think of it – the network is the computer. And its spread is contagious. Some of you who are reading this would be aware of the SETI project; some of you won’t.

So I would tell you what it is all about.

SETI or Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence is a global effort which tries and analyses the radio signals which are generated in space and looks for patterns which would logically then mean that there exists some kind of communication channel from “Extra Terrestrial Intelligence”. In order to analyze the huge amounts of data collected on a realistic time frame … [whatz the use of analyzing the whole of today’s data 200 years from now… we would have invented the Jetsons’ spaceship by then :)], huge amount of compute power is needed. So who would dole out the dough to buy a huge supercomputer? Well! is there another way?? Yes! .. and that is connecting all the computers in the world which are idle and use their resources … thatz where your humble PC comes in …. SETI @ home attempts to use your computer when you are not using it… to look for aliens :) http://www.seti.org

Now think of all other applications where your humble PC can contribute towards:

· Climateprediction.net: study climate change

· Einstein@home: search for gravitational signals emitted by pulsars

· LHC@home: improve the design of the CERN LHC particle accelerator

· Predictor@home: investigate protein-related diseases

· Rosetta@home: help researchers develop cures for human diseases

· SETI@home: Look for radio evidence of extraterrestrial life

· Cell Computing biomedical research (Japanese; requires nonstandard client software)

· World Community Grid: advance our knowledge of human disease.

Now, do you see how the NETWORK is creating enormous value and helping solve world problems.

But how is idle compute resource used?

Well! there are multiple softwares which are intelligent and which connect to the parent server or the edge server and would use your compute resources when you are not using it. One of them is BOINC – fancy name hahn! And you thought only military guys could come up with cool names … BOINC stands for Berkeley Open Infrastructure for Open Computing … Learn More

THE MATRIX and YOU

Now that you realize what role you are playing in “THE MATRIX”, I rest my case … Next time I am going to talk about the ab initio protein structure prediction problem, and how it is intended to be used to design new chemical catalysts and potential HIV vaccines by arriving at the lowest energy structures.

2005-10-30T19:22:00.000+05:30

Existence by TRPs

Fatwas by the moguls of TV channels

The recent programs which are being telecast on television at times (most times) are repulsive. One cannot but wonder whether the media is acting irresponsibly. Sensationalism, the relentless lust for ‘eyeballs’ reminds one of the rat-race where some potential offenders and some innocents are being hung without a fair trial. ‘Judgement by the media’ is the worst thing to happen.

To illustrate my point I would like to recount one incident which appeared on one “gossip-mongering” 24 hour news channel.

A 40 year old separated woman was having an alleged affair with her neighbor. She earned her living by selling vegetables in the city markets. Her 20 yr old son didn’t take kindly to the fact. It resulted in the murder of the neighbor at the hands of the woman’s son.

The judgment of the channel: The son was forced into murdering the neighbor because of the situation created by his mother and the alleged paramour.

The victim: The son. A young life now forced behind bars because his mother had the alleged audacity to seek succour, support (or whatever else) in the arms of her neighbor.

The culprit: The woman who was responsible for the murder by choosing to live life her own way, a legal way but not conforming to mores of cheap morality dished out by our society and its self-appointed conscience keepers.

The Idiot: The neighbor… now dead and condemned. He would have had an affair with a younger woman .. why the hell did he choose an older woman with a son his age?

The Judge: The TV news show anchor, who wears a beard, has a funny accent, has an exaggerated body language.

Suffice it to say that this cheap news mongering is more responsible for propagating ideas whose time has long been served They do not realize the damage they are doing … perhaps they do -- but hey, it is programs like these which ring in the ad revenues and keep them ahead in the race for the #1 slot.

I am all for freedom of speech and honest reporting, but biased and skewed new reporting is doing irreparable damage, the impact of which would be seen a few years from now.

To give the news media their due credit, their actions in exposing corrupt politicians, bureaucrats etc. is commendable.

I just have this to say to the news-wallahs: “You don’t need to stoop to levels unbecoming of you to keep your channel going. Be true to yourself and the society – your responsibility to the society is much higher than that to the ad revenues that you are chasing”

P.S: I have not talked about the “saas-bahu” sagas going on endlessly on TV channels … They are living in the stone age; propagating ideas which are regressive … (Aside: If Ekta Kapoor had her way, she’d probably spell regressive as “Kkregressivvee”)

2005-10-21T08:12:00.000+05:30

Yak No.1, Sikkim Cabbies,
“No Horry;No Worry” :)

Account of one of my favourite professors’ journey through Gangtok. Dr. S.M sir, cheers to you … Keep travelling … and yeah! Keep writing

The flight to Bagodgra is full. I have been told by a friend to look out for Everest on the left side, just before the descent to Bagdogra. But the distant hills are merging with the clouds and hence, in a Rorschach test of sorts, my wife and I try and discern the peaks! The drive from Bagdogra to Gangtok is nice, climbing along the fast flowing Teesta River from 400 ft to 5800 ft in about 4 hours. The young Sikkimese driving the Tata Sumo seems to be still a high school student. But then, as I found out, looks are deceptive. All the cab drivers in Sikkim look as if they have just finished school!

The next day, we hire a taxi for “10-point local sightseeing”. The first stop is the famous Rumtek monastery. As soon as we reach there, we get a preview of things to come- there are more than 100 taxis already parked there! And barring a couple, all of them are carrying Bengali tourists! The Bengalis, as everyone knows, are the people with the most wanderlust- they are everywhere! And the hawkers seem to have understood this. Every single tourist spot in Sikkim has a “jhaal-moori waala” sitting outside catering to the insatiable hunger that the Bengalis have for their favourite snack.

The monastery is heavily guarded by the Army and ITBP- presumably to stop Karmapa Lama to come here from Dharamsala. The novice lamas are playing around the main courtyard, much like children in a school during the lunch break. . The only incongruous thing about the place is the presence of several young women, fashionably dressed in jeans. These women seem to be living there, though that seems hard to believe.

The “10-point local sightseeing” is a sham since there is not that much to see in Gangtok. The next day we go to Tsango lake- a beautiful lake enroute the famous Nathula pass. The lake is crystal clear and as expected, teeming with Bengalis- this time appropriately clad in their monkey caps and jackets! The high point of the trip, apart from the sheer beauty of the place was the yaks! Huge, hirsute creatures with colourful “sweaters” on their horns, in one case advertising, a la Govinda, “Yak No. 1”! Dutifully, everyone takes a picture sitting atop the yaks, though some adventurous tourists take a yak ride around the lake.

We can’t go to Nathula and Baba Mandir because it will soon be dark and then it is difficult to drive on these roads. Coming back, we come across an artillery regiment having firing practise with field guns. It is Dusshera today and the wives of the officers are having a “field” day firing the huge guns which make an unbelievable noise, especially at 13000 feet! The shells go and hit the distant mountains and one hears the “boom” about 10 seconds after the initial retort. This kind of field practise is of course, par for the course for the jawans there. Sitting at 13000 feet in biting cold, with a minimum of amenities (though, there is a UTI bank ATM at the army unit nearby!), one can’t grudge them their amusements.

Nathula pass is the place where the Indian and the Chinese army are literally in eyeball contact. Baba Mandir, I am told by an army jawan from Rewari, is the place honouring Baba, a devout Sikh jawan. He was coming back from patrolling duty with his company when he got buried in a landslide. His companions could not find him but a few days later, the subedar had a dream in which Baba enjoined him to go to the exact place where he was buried and construct a memorial for him.

The thing which strikes one is that Gangtok is actually very orderly considering the number of tourists. Everywhere there are signs of how many taxis can park, for how long and so on. Even in front of the roadside tyre repair shop, there is a sign which says "only 2 cars tyre repair at a time- By order, Sikkim Police"!!! And it seems that the people actually respect these signs, unlike say, Mussorrie or Shimla!!

The trip to the “Cottage Emporium” which is really the sales outlet of the State Handicraft Board is along expected lines. The shelves are empty, the sales staff not interested in selling you anything, the stuff that is available is overpriced and of shoddy quality. We buy the usual “tankhas” and wood carvings which come packed in newspapers.

Interestingly, the two things banned in Sikkim are pan masala (gutka) and polythene bags!! This makes the place much cleaner, though sadly, the proliferation of Kurkure and Uncle Chips packets spoils the scene to some extent. But still, it is a relief not to see hillsides littered with blue coloured polythene bags or to find “Shikhar Gutka” packets along ever inch of the road.

What is not banned is liquor- there must be more liquor shops in Sikkim per capita (total population 4 lakhs!) than anywhere in the world! They are everywhere- from the main market of Gangtok to a remote hamlet of maybe 100 people. The interesting thing is their timings- 7 am to 8 pm! Why anyone would want to buy alcohol at 7 am is not clear to me, but then I actually saw someone picking up a bottle of Honey Bee brandy at 7 in the morning while returning from my morning walk!

The signage on the trucks is unusual too- they do not have "Horn Please OK Tata" on their rear. Rather, in an interesting nativization, they have "AWAAZ DO"! The Border Road Organisation (BRO) which maintains the National Highway 31A from Siliguri to Gangtok and beyond, has of course loads of signs along the road- most of them are enjoining the reckless driver to be slow and enjoy the scenic beauty (“This is not rally, enjoy the valley”(sic)). Some are outright Stalinist- "Roads are National Property- Respect Them" and the interesting "From Kanchenjunga to Kanyakumari- India is one", this one replacing the traditional "From Kashmir to Kanyakumari....." -maybe because of local sentiments (Kanchenjunga is respected here as a goddess) or to be avoid painting the signs again a few years later! But the most interesting sign was on the way to Yumthang, Sikkim’s “Mini Switzerland”, about 8 hours from Gangtok. Here, the BRO, respecting Bengali sentiments, tells you, “No Horry, No Worry”!

===============================================================

P.S: The professor in question never taught me ... but I have learnt a lot from him..... :)

2005-10-09T19:44:00.000+05:30

Template of a congratulatory note

XYZ wrote:

Dear Sun Solaris Server,

Just to tell u I got engaged last week at Tuticorin. It was a rush trip to India and am back in Dubai since yesterday. I was there for about 10 days. I am sorry i could not get in touch since I was tied up with meeting "Pure" (girl in question!) and then engagement ke formalities. Pure has finished her MBA and is working with her family biz. I had been chatting with her for about a month and half and then i said lets come down and see if we can take things forward.

Anyway, just thought should let you know on this development. So, how are things with you. Mail in. any good news on your side or u busy racking big sales incentives flooding ABC & DEF sectors with Sun servers!

regards,

XYZ

--
XYZ
Post Box 8549
Dubai - UAE
Email: zxy@gmail.com OR xyz28@yahoo.com

Smart Alec wrote:

Dear Post Box 8549,

Thank you very much for the honorable thought of "just thought should let you know on this development". I really appreciate that. It is quirky that a bastard like you should get a girl called "Pure" (girl in question). I havent met a dirtier individual in my entire life and I mean it as a compliment. The only way I can reconcile to this shocking news is by thinking that even God has a "sense of humour" ... must be his private little joke :)

So chatting does some good to some people ... good to know that .. and thank you very much for letting me in on the details of "how it happened" ... coz now you are talking to the about-to-be-greatest-chat-enthusiast-of-all-time

Good to know that you are inheriting Pure's family business as well. Good way to get rich especially considering the fact that you have no encashable skills :)

Congratulations and all the very best. I am very happy for you.

Best Regards'
Sun Solaris Server

P.S: XYZ is a hyper enthusiastic individual who was with me in ISB, Class of 2004. He was rumored to have had the largest porn collection on Campus: reason why he was very popular with the guys. BTW, he was also rumored to be gay: reason why he was very popular with the gals. Overall, he was a very popular guy.

Smart Alec is yours truly – the nastiest individual alive … the scum of the earth

2005-09-11T19:36:00.000+05:30

Forgive me GOD! I have not turned out the way you intended …

GOD, Are you American by any chance? GWB’s** Cousin???

Forgive me god for I have betrayed the intelligence you have endowed me with. Forgive me for I have used this ‘intelligence’ to sell my soul; forgive me for I, as a human being, am immune to pain felt by others, to the suffering all around me. Forgive me for leading a false life, for paying more attention to the cleavage of a ‘page 3 diva’ than the picture of a suffering child.

We believe we are the most superior life form around … because we can build highrises, we explore distant space, we have a language (many actually), feelings (really???), cure to diseases (yeah!!)…. We also have invented jealousy, greed, corruption, crime, nuclear bombs among other things.

Other animals don’t hoard for fun, they don’t kill for pleasure, they don’t plot against others, they do communicate (look at ant colonies, schools of dolphins, groups of elephants etc.)

We kill others in your name. We have divided YOU amongst ourselves and we would kill for the other YOU that we don’t possess. We have given you names; We have given you an existence; We design your actions & reactions everyday;
It is we who control you and not you who control us.

How could you be so foolish to create a Frankenstein knowing that it would turn around and go for you someday.

GOD, ARE YOU AMERICAN BY ANY CHANCE???? :)

P.S: I am a believer of free speech and have an opinion beyond CNN & Fox. I do not dislike all things American, I love most of it and I am NOT a French Agent. I just can’t help asking myself – “How could you have been so stupid as to create OBL / UBL?”

** GWB = George W Bush (Don’t we love acronyms :)

2005-09-10T16:16:00.000+05:30

I am a flag-waving, chest-thumping Indian

Why the Madu/Gujju/Sindhi/Punju is a better businessman than a UPite/Bihari/Bong !!

Having logged a fair number of miles around the Tier-II city circuit, I now have a fair idea. This piece is going to be slightly controversial; If you are a denizen of or have originated from UP, or Bihar :) . … log off NOW! … and don’t ever say that you didn’t have the luxury of forewarning.

The reason why inhabitants of UP or Bihar cant match the business acumen of the gujjus, the madus, the sindhis or the punjus is that they have yet to understand the concept of “repeat business” or “service”.

I have drawn the above dramatic generalization from pretty simple incidents which I experienced. I happened to be in Lucknow on the day when Amar Singh had organized a glitzy do for the visiting “President Clinton”. Quite a few of our stars landed up in dusty lucknow – bumped into Hema Malini (my boss couldn’t stop ogling @ her), and Esha Deol (I gave her my most macho grin … and got the most thoroughly digusted smirk in return … talk of ROI..poof!!) Hema and my sweetie Esha got out of the plane like the “common (wo)men” who happened to be their co-passengers and but very unlike the "junta janardan" were whisked away promptly to a waiting Air Sahara chopper to be ferried 7 kms from the airport to the Taj. Talk of attracting investment to UP (Amar Singh’s stated endeavour) and optimum utilization of resources. I fail to understand how the 7 km helicopter transport would help attract investment in UP. Forget that! I fail to understand how Hema (in all her resplendent beauty) could help the stated cause. Besides, Shiamak Davar’s troupe was also there to provide some strategic inputs on how to get more investment to the dusty, mosquito-infested “Uttam Pradesh”.

The hired taxi would charge a 50 or a 100 buck more if you are in an A/C room and ask for an A/C car and happen to wear a tie -- I am talking about a hotel organized taxi. I got a call from the hotel reception no less than 5 times reminding me that the room charges would be 1920/- a night. The receptionist sounded incredulous when I agreed. She couldn’t damn well believe her ears. I had blocked a room which I later didn’t occupy but had to pay for it.

Would I travel ever again to Lucknow… oh! Yes … thatz part of the territory I handle … Would I ever stay at the hallowed “Deep Palace” … Not if it’s the last place on earth. Repeat Business – my arse !!!

We are the most racially discriminating race around !!

Back in Kolkata, something else happened which bugged me no end (do I have issues or what???) …. Me and my friendly neighborhood Caucasian business traveler were checking in at the same time… he was greeted with a smile … I with a curt formal mumbled gibberish; He was accompanied by the prettiest babe (yeah! from the guest relations) around (don’t get any ideas …:) while I was left to fend for myself … and that when I just happen to hold a welcomaward gold card and my Caucasian friend was probably a once-a-year or a once-a-lifetime moonlighter (I hold nothing against him :) … Welcome to ITC Sonar Bangla, the swankiest hotel by the hoogly with the coldest staff in town.

That incident triggered a question in me – In this age and time, when the “white world” is freaking out on “Chicken Tikka”, “Deepak Chopra”, “Bollywood Run-around-the-trees”, “The Art of Living” and “Yoga” … aren’t we ashamed to still show our most servile and vile sides when it comes to encountering the white man? I think we would be the most racially discriminating society on earth…. (That bloody well explains why HLL makes a lion’s share of its profits from Fairness Cream sales) We discriminate against people our own kind.

Top ten things we desis should expressly avoid !!

Stop scratching one’s balls in public
Stop sulking/taking objection if the above (refer pt. no 1) is pointed out
Stop spitting around as if the world is our spittoon.
Stop fooling ourselves

CASE IN POINT: Sex is taboo… we are a god-fearing, conservative society – Bull! How do you explain the population … the Kamathipura, the GB Road and the Sonagachi

Stop comparing ourselves to others and feel insecure/insignificant… we should learn to enjoy our accomplishments at times
Stop peeing in public … (with or without the presence of a tree/shrub/bush) – leave that to the dogs
Stop issuing fatwas – like the univ. in Chennai or the one in Bhubaneswar who have laid down dress code rules for schools and colleges.
Rise above caste/creed/religion and learn to recognize merit.
Stop being hypocrites – look at the damn Marxists. It is OK to liberalize in Kolkata but anathema to do that across the country. To hell with the reds.
Stop promoting dynastic politics and “chamcha/sifarish/setting culture”

The world waits for us! Let us rise and shine :)

2005-08-22T21:52:00.000+05:30

Interesting Signposts one could come across

Name of a shop in Bangkok: Cabbages and Condoms (Never could figure out the connection.... Damn Thighs .. oops Thais)

Liquor shop in Delhi displaying: Child Bear :-O (meaning chilled beer)

A Maruti 800 (in case of the ill-informed ... a basic 800 cc car) with the following sticker: ROCAM (Rotating Overhead Cam), MPFI (Multi-point fuel-injection)

Or a highway restaurant (also called "dhaba") advertising "Authentic Chinees" food

The most popular car in Delhi "Mruti Steam" (Maruti Esteem in case you are wondering)

I observed this sign on many delhi bus-stops ... "Lajpat Rai Xing", "MG road Xing".... and it took me a while to figure out that Xing = Cross-ing :) (I know the guns are out on my I.Q :)

"Shaadi rok di jaaye" (should marriage be held up?) is very popular on roadside banners in small towns -- put up by hakims (fraud medical practitioners) to address ailments/lack of functionality of a sexual nature :))

Menu card description in a Lucknow hotel: After eat, you will fall to love in the Chef (After having savoured this dish, you'd fall in love with our chef! -- Aside: Which in itself was scary considering the "chef"... he was more of a halwaai)

-- More additions as we go along !!

2005-08-15T18:19:00.000+05:30

Protsaaa!* Blast’in Bangkok

First up … on the “thigh” airways .. (oops … is that ‘thai’ :) flight to Bang-kok … there was this veritable crowd of very stern looking characters … I learnt later … that these men were simply determined to have a “good time” (pun intended)… as I bumped into quite a few of them @ all the interesting places … J …

(CLARIFICATION: I had to make these trips for reporting purposes)

Anyways … @ the immigration counter there was this guy who walked in with his girlfriend and pat came the comment from a smart alec next to me … “restaurant mein paraanthe lekar aaya hai” … (which roughly translated means … who the hell goes to a restaurant carrying bread along ;-)….

Bangkok is a city of excesses …. Especially in one particular skill … beyond 9 ‘o clock in the evening, the city just transforms …. Walk the streets and you would feel that you are some kinda Tom Cruise … coz every other gal would be falling on you … J .. As long as you remain with the Tom Cruise persona .. its OK … but once you try to become someone like “Pat Thunder” or “James Humper” … (if you don’t know who they are … well lemme tell ya! Even I have no clue … but usually porn “stars” have such outrageous names) itz an entirely different ballgame …

If is fascinating to see balding old white men with big beer bellies lugging along petite, young arm candy …

Oh! Did I tell you about the time a buddy of mine was accosted by an airline ‘stewardess’ crew in the lift ;-) … (Well! lemme save something for later)

The good things about Bangkok –

(1) The people are very friendly and service-oriented .. so the service in hotels and restaurants is amazing … there are some places though where this rule doesn’t quite hold.

(2) If you are a seafood freak … this is the place to be .. but be sure to carry some antacids etc. coz you would tend to overdo it ..

(3) They have good infrastructure … roads, expressways, subways, skybus, tuk-tuks, cabs … the works .. the only problem … to and from downtown to anywhere during peak traffic hours is a nightmare …

(4) Some people really find their fun selves here … they let their hair down and go along with the electricity …

(5) Last but not the least … great massages :)

My feelings on the flight back from Bangkok – how the hell did the time pass so soon … Gotta get back here soon to regain my sanity whenever things aren’t quite going my way :)

(NOTE: “Protsaaa” is thai for ‘attention please’)

2005-08-01T02:00:00.000+05:30

Five Pharaohs went camping

It was last weekend when me and my buddies decided to go camping ... After considerable discussions and innumerable rounds of ayes and naehs ... me and another chappie browbeat the others to tag along ...

The weather was fickle ... it was raining off and on ... there was news of an outbreak of celebral malaria in the vicinity of our camping location ... The river was raging (the Cauvery flows right next to our camping spot ... rather ... we camp right next to where the Cauvery flows :)

The argument against 'celebral malaria' was that since most of us didnt have a cerebrum or a cerebellum ... (essentially a brain ... CM wont affect us :)

So we packed up the essentials:
1) Booze ..
2) Booze ...
3) Some more booze
4) Coupla guitars and the guitarists ... :))
5) Tent ... folding camp equip ...
6) Odomos ..
7) Food
8) Undies
9) Booze ...

Once out we were braving the weather and the rains .. To make things more exciting .. we packaged it as a 'pharaoh tour of the wilderness' ...

So there was the musical purist who would expound the theoretical aspects of music in a "Comfortably Numb" number .... --> Pathetic II

The biggest, strongest guy ... who was most scared of mosquitoes ... and sounded like but a puppy when his girlfriend gave him a dressing down on the phone ... (We rechristened him sweety which irked him no end :) --> Nemesys III

The cool guy who gets high and hits the roof after a coupla swigs of beer ... red capri pants, blue and yellow striped sports vest ... yeah! hez from the land of "Rajnikant" --> Clumsys II

And yours truly (also known as "Cheetah" in this group) who would constantly take jabs at all the poor souls ... and whose sole purpose in life is to find a scapegoat to crack a joke or two at ... --> Bastard I :))

{rechristened by an especially enraged Pathetic II}

And how can I forget the only pharaoh who ate less and drank more ... (no exhaggeration ...) who is frequently mistaken for a hot chick from behind ... considering his long locks ... lead guitarist par excellence ... --> Dimwits IV

All in all it was an amazing trip .... with the rains off and on .. the raging river, the now-off-now-revived bonfire ... some full throated renditions of Floyd, Metallica, Beatles ... and a few hindi numbers ...

When thousands of years from now ... this camping site gets excavated ... they would find rock art ... of 5 pharaohs ... and 2 queens (ultra-finicky and almost-perfecti)

More on other adventures later :)) ...

2005-07-20T05:31:00.000+05:30

Damn RUCKSACK !!!

Hurtling down the street in a tin can called a Maruti Omni on the streets of Kanpur, I finally realized that my body has way too many muscles, much more than I ever imagined.... each one of them ached. The realization dawned on me that my eardrums are pretty resilient too... they could take the constant honking ...
The problem of Kanpur streets ... well ... the place itself is part of prime cowbelt ... does that explain something ... :)) ..
The streets ... (if you could call them that) are inhabited by vehicles of all kinds, cycles, rickshaws, horse/mare/bullock-drawn buggies, pedestrians, trucks, autorickshaws ... AND you are welcome to encroach the part of the road meant for oncoming traffic ... ever seen a tractor taking a U-turn on a busy thoroughfare all of 2 cars wide .... :) ... ??

When I stepped down @ the Kanpur railway station ... I was surrounded by 20 people trying to draw my attention to beckon them to hire their taxi/auto/whatever else .....
I wonder why I had attracted this swarm .. I was NOT expensively dressed, nor did I have an arm candy, nor am I endowded with greek god looks which otherwise could be spelt "expensive" ...
Everybody else ... who matched my profile -- regular single guy, brown skinned (like millions of my countrymen), ordinary clothes (jeans & t-shirt) and ordinary looks (I beg you to disagree please :)..... was walking past happily ... without being hassled much ... just a disinterested query from the "transporatation suitors" ...

Then I looked around ... them and me ... and lo and behold! it dawned on me ... I was carrying a RUCKSACK ... and that is a typically rich-kid straight from Canada or USA piece-of-baggage ... I was being perceived as one of those dollar-earning, IT-empowered yuppies, back to small town India ... prime target for a rip-off -- after all a mark-up of a few rupees over the "ordinary common indian's fare" would only mean a few cents for me ...

It was a fascinating experience.... I never knew the power of the RUCKSACK ... now i do ... and! hey it also earns you those second glances from small-town hotties ;-) ... That isnt a disparaging remark as some of them are quite hot ... well! the power of CableTV .. and Femina Miss India ...
But more on that @ a later point in time ...

2005-07-13T12:33:00.000+05:30

Why the hell does one move to Delhi???

Now that I have decided to move to Delhi, the question, the same one never ceases to confront me. "Hey! itz cool in Bangalore; Why the hell are you moving to Delhi"

Top 3 reasons cited to stay back in Bangalore:
1. The weather
2. The weather
3. The weather

Top 3 reasons to stay away from Delhi:
1. Ostentatious culture and attitude (SHOW-OFF is what people use to describe Delhi)
2. Much higher probability of getting cheated, fleeced or mugged
3. The weather

BTW, to set the record straight, I feel Delhi roads are much better than Bangalore roads (well, roads in Bangalore are non-existent). The pubs in pub-city close at 11:30 PM; Of course for Delhi discs every second number would be a bhangra tune ... :)) But hey! you could land up in Bangalore discs in jeans, t-shirt and sneakers :) .... Dont think that would be the case in Delhi .. but I gotta check that out ..

Bangalore surprisingly is more polluted than Delhi :-O ... but flights dont get screwed up because of a phenomenon called 'smog'

Politically, Shiela Dixit is a much better bet than Dharam Singh ...
DS -- who believes in spending his time getting a manicure @ the Leela or visiting the Sai Baba temple (of course bringing traffic to a complete standstill)

The discipline of any city can be gauged simply by finding out how 'red' the 'red light' is at a traffic signal ... In Bangalore .. it is but a mere suggestion .. and as if by some unwritten rule, decreed by god himself or his self-appointed representatives, one-ways get miraculously converted to both-way traffic @ nights ... (most times even during the days in small streets and wherever the traffic cop is not around)

BTW, in Bangalore it is OK to park yourself on the wrong side of the road in case you are stuck in a red light @ a traffic signal .. it doesnt matter if one is obstructing oncoming traffic ...

So whatz it about this place (Delhi, I mean) that has brought me here ????

... well! I dont know .. chicks I would guess ... I heard delhi chicks are amongst the best ... ("as long as they dont speak" is what the naysayers say ... but I hope to check that out as well)

So viva la delhi it is for me now ... !!!

2005-07-10T04:20:00.000+05:30

To future generations of “Captains of the Industry”

In between getting pampered by ‘Housekeeping’, getting rogered by ‘Assignment-Happy Professors’ and sitting pretty on a couple of job offers, it’s time to look back and reminisce about the past year. There have been highs and lows, ups and downs, but as the ‘consultants’ amongst us would say, the outlook looks like we are the ‘stars’ on the BCG-matrix. For all you ‘future captains of the industry’ (Yes! That’s how we are addressed here …. and over the course of time, we have come to believe in it), here are the travails of the adventure, the experience of the journey that B-School has been. (BTW, the acronym for Business School is BS – pun unintended :)

From the moment I set foot on campus, I couldn’t help but wonder at the gates ‘where the hell is the building?’, and then it rose like a phoenix¹ to greet me, to this moment, when I am excited about the world outside and nervous about my impending departure from this place, ISB has grown to be a part of me. The acad. terms flew in the blink of an eye – let there be no doubts in your minds – ISB will be at you, challenging you, encouraging you, coaxing you, nurturing you, preparing you to outdo your own selves. I was intimidated initially, but the feeling lasted only a couple of days.

My first weekend at ISB, and a bunch of us landed at ‘Bottles & Chimney’² (B&C) – some with and some without their accents. Those were the days of fake or acquired accents (some die-hards carry it through the year though) J

Orientation Week

I happened to share a ‘cab’ (hey! it’s not a taxi) with a couple of ‘dudes’ (again it’s not people or guys) to the B&C² party. We gave the ‘rick’ a ‘skip’ because that wasn’t so ‘cool’ and we had to impress the ‘babes’ too. Once there, we had a ‘blast’, the DJ seemingly obsessed with ISB, we sure kicked some serious ar**. From there on it was all ‘accounts’, ‘take charge’, and ‘basic stats’ among others.

The Frenetic Networking Pitch

Most of us had one concept very clear when we had just come in here – ‘For an MBA grad, networking does matter’ – hence one could see wannabes hopping from one table to another during lunch, dinner et. al. and shooting – ‘So where were you working?’, ‘How many years of work ex. do you have?’ etc. A few days of desperate networking efforts and you would bump into the guy you met in the dining hall ‘Er! excuse me but are you Sunil? I can’t seem to recollect your name …. we have so many new folks around’. The futility of the exercise soon dawned upon the larger population and we all ‘chilled out’ after that. After 9 odd months, this feels like family to me (pun unintendedJ) – I know everyone, the faces are familiar, the stunts each one pulled off, fresh in memory.

Disclaimer: This information is a humourous take on happenings/people/situations. It is not a true reflection of the actual happenings or incidents/state of affairs, so dont get too carried away.

2005-07-09T05:13:00.000+05:30

A year after B-School ….

A year after having walked out of B-school the myth has all but exploded. Looking back I realize that most of all that we learnt was in the wrong direction. The most important lessons were the ones the ‘Organisational Behavior’ proff.s tried shoving down the throats of hordes of disinterested sleepy pupils -- The necessity to draw “associations of influencers” and the “association of decision makers” within an organisation :-?

Figure out the “sources of information” and validate their authenticity. (Feed them some fiction and see how long it takes to come back to you) :-) (Hey! dont smirk, thatz how even laser speed-guns work!!)

Now that your sources of information are taken care of … get started on forming your own line line diagrams of the “movers and shakers” ....

NOTE: For additional information on working of this phenomenon follow the antics of the congress leaders (coteries, queen bee, palace intrigue et al.)

If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck; It is a duck – BULLSHIT !!!

You’ll see people around who look important, act important but are in a load of shit … needless to say -- do not waste time cosying upto them …

In the corporate world sometimes one that walks like a duck, quacks like a duck is actually a dumb turkey !! :-)

Future Captains of the Industry -- Revisited

Having been fed the “FCoI” (aside: the power of acronyms :) formula for long .. quite a few of us started believing in it (hmm!) .. Captains of the industry .. just like the captain of the indian cricket team… relegated to the sidelines … worth only carrying bottles of refreshment and words of encouragement for the guys out in the field … :)

The placements hoopla !!!

B-school grad pockets a cool salary of 80 lakh !!! I read that and almost choked on my sandwich … :) … well I recollect some bright chap who dropped in a line in my mailing group hailing the achievement .. it’s like the millions of sperms who fall by the wayside (letz call them the losers :) celebrating the feat of the one that hits the jackpot (the grand daddy :)

Learnings … -- there is still hope !!

There is hope …. will still live the dream … Of course some people find other things to do .. (e.g. get married .. announce change of location, announce a one-week visit to London etc.)… But me like one of those guys having fallen by the wayside (refer to para above J) has no marriage, or visit to London or change of location announcements to make … All I can do is sit down here in a cubbyhole and type out arcane thoughts …. Sure enough to find a dumb audience like you who have gone through this entire crappy note nodding vigorously all along :)

Disclaimer: This information is a humourous take on happenings/people/situations. It is not a true reflection of the actual happenings or incidents/state of affairs, so dont get too carried away.

2005-07-08T04:15:00.000+05:30

Marriage: The one thing that’s bugging me no end

Letz face it … it is one of those “Rene Zellweger in Bridget Jones’ diary” times for me now. Wherever I go, I am confronted with the same query. I find myself answering it over & over again. I feel I am getting defensive.

I, who used to wear my “bachelorhood” and “perceived independence” (as the naysayers on the other side of the fence would argue :) on my sleeve find myself at a loss for a convincing response. (I blame the audience primarily for that; illogical people who refuse to consider logic).

I, who was never at a loss for words have resorted to all kinds of sounds, grunts etc. (er!, umm!, well! Uh huh !! You see !!! kinds) passing them off for responses. I feel like a Delhi schoolgirl (Oh! come on yaaa! marriage is not everything na!!) or a Chennai schoolboy (Aye! Come on maan…. Thatz not everything dah!) when accosted by ‘friends’ and ‘wellwishers’ often cornered with the knock-out punch – “So what about marriage? Any plans?” – I never knew people were so concerned about me :) and my marital conformity thereof :)))

“Are you looking out? Aren’t your parents looking out for a bride for you?” Its high time you got ‘settled’ is the common refrain :) Gosh! I am settled (Aside: Well! not exactly, there is a lot of chaos …. But hey! I thrive in chaos :)

I look around and see my buddies …. my batchmates ….. my peer-group …. hell! looks like marriage is going out of fashion … or anti-marriage aliens are attacking us and this is our last chance to redeem ourselves. “Earthlings, judgement day is here”

As of today .. I am very unmarried, very happy and very settled..... :)

2005-07-01T21:13:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered what separates the wheat from the chaff?

What is it that separates the successful from the also-rans? [Aside: How does one become Smart Alec in this world dominated by Joe Average :)]. Is it single-minded focus, passion, hardwork, luck or something else?

Is it a combination of some or all of the above is some proportion which is nature’s best kept secret?

What are men like Lance Armstrong made of? (In case you are wondering he is the 6-time winner of the ‘tour de france’; guys find it tough to win once and he has done it over and over). What drives him? What is it that makes him exceptional? And hey! this guy has BALLS ... serious balls ... for how do you explain the fact that he has gone onto defeat younger competitors after having come out of testicular cancer ... yeah! testicular cancer ...

A brief bio would enlighten some of us who aren’t aware of his exploits and remind the rest of us who do, of just how phenomenal this individual is:

1971 : September 18, Born in Plano, Texas. Raised by mother who was married and divorced twice.

1984 : By age 13, he was competing in triathlons.

1987 : Turns pro.

’87-91 : National Cycling team invites him to train with them while he was still a senior in high school.

1991 : Wins National Amateur Cycling Championship, First Union Grand Prix and Thrift Drug Classic

1992 : Barcelona Olympics, finishes 14^th

1993 : Bounces back, wins US cycling's Triple Crown. Becomes the youngest person to ever capture the World Race Championships in Oslo, Norway.

1994 : Finishes runner-up in the “Tour Du Pont”

1995 : Wins “Tour Du Pont” by the highest margin of victory in the history of the race.

1996 : Indifferent season; ups and downs including fatigue and bronchitis; Atlanta Olympics: 12^th place finish in road race. Lucrative contract with Team Cofidis follows.

1996 : Diagnosed with testicular cancer which has spread to his brain and lungs. Given a 40% chance of recovery.

1997 : Cofidis drops him. US Post picks him up. (Pay goes south from $600K to $200K p.a)

1998 : Post several low-key race wins, goes and gets the big one “Le Tour de France” setting a new average speed.

Has currently won an unprecedented 6 “Tour de France” titles. He is on the discovery channel team this year .... and ready to kick serious butt ...

2005-07-01T10:55:00.000+05:30

Meet my FMCG Buddy
Travails of travel through the hinterland

Met an ol' buddy of mine from B-school ... he a hot-shot (he likes to pretend so) business manager in a FMCG conglomerate .... me a hot-shot (so I like to pretend) business manager in an IT infrastrcuture company ...

We both came up with our own little travellers' tales ... his were more exciting ...
Imagine this scene at a seedy hotel in a sleepy town where the biggest revenue churner is the local temple ... (to add effect this town in now in Jharkhand, erstwhile south Bihar ... get the drift :)

He checks into the swankiest hotel in town (which in itself is not much to write home about) ... at around 10 in the night he asks for hot water (poor soul wanted to have a gargle .. sore throat et al ... and NO! no kettles in the room) ... calls back 1/2 hour later ... response that he gets -- "oh! yes ... I remember" ... hits the sack and dozes off ... getz up in the morning ... orders coffee... coffee arrives and with it our man from the hotel .... -- "Sir, it was you who had called twice last night for hot water ... I remember" :)) ...

I realized that of the holy grail(s) of any B-school campus -- I-banking and FMCG ... the latter certainly has itz share of roach-infested rooms, stinky carpets, outlandishly color-coordinated rooms (orange curtains, rug, towels, bed-sheets etc. :) and lotz more ...
I cant take a call on i-banking because I am yet to meet a hot-shot (or so they would like to pretend) i-banker friend/acquaintance/contact who would be completely honest and forthright with me ...

And hey! I appreciate the fact that my FMCG buddy was brutally honest about his predicament ... of course he had a rider to the whole situation ... "I am enjoying the challenge, man! ... this is #*$(#@ exciting stuff" ....

more exciting stories later... :)))